This Was The Final Piece That Got Me In NC

Guess i'd let everyone else peep...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101327
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101444
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101248

.....

A child is born into the graces of a man and his wife
But from the beginning he notices the plan
now he's understanding his life
Father is no good but strives to please but keeps backhandin' his wife
She gets her hand on a knife but thinks twice when given the chance for the slice
She realizes, even if he dies it's still his blood that she'll raise
Because from day one, he's taught the runt to study his ways
It's funny these days, father is no where close but can't stand to be distant
The mother doesn't mind, but son can't stand that he's missin'
The boy's birthday arrives and the father finally decides that he's ready
He buys a machete to elevate the boy to manhood backwoods at night could be scary
But here he teaches the son of treachery and mistrust in his mother
And if anything should happen to dad.... he promised he'll recover
The boy accepts the challenges placed forth by the one that he loves
The father coldly embraces him thinking wrongly of the one that he hugs
You see, there in the dark the father knows that eventually he'll depart
And aside from his lessons, he blesses the boy by also sharing his heart
Until the day this heart.. was torn apart
One night in a clout and confusion, lust takes over the man
And destiny forced this woman to defend her sanctity till the end
Days later at funeral proceedings, boy is conversin' wit' dad
"Don't worry, she'll pay her debts....even if I have to murder the hag!"

i thought it was good.the structure was kinda fucked but i that the flow was ok.vocab was decent.keep it up and keep elevatin.overall fairly good

yeah this was alright i thought....structure was alright...but this could use some work though, try keeping the lines around the same length and watch the length of some of your lines, some were a little long...flow was alright, could have been better....but this was alright...keep at it.

Thanx dunny... uppin

^^^yea agree with the rest^^^, you have a good flow going but ya structure was kind of messed up try keeping the lines close to egual next time.. other than that dont give up and keep elevating you will get better, just takes time

Peace

i give this peice a 7.5 out of 10,, errr i keep forgetting to add the rank

^^^i agree....well an 8.0.....Could've worked on tha structure a lil more t operfect tha flow...Overall it Got me interested in it......So Nice piece.....1ne

__________________
<table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>/\...Corrupted Visions.../\</table><center><select><option>Ripped</option><option>Eki(5-0)</option><option>Aero(5-0)</option><option>Rule(5-2)
</option><option>TheUnderRated(5-1)
</option><option>Origin-Ill(5-2)</center></select><center><select><option>ThrownBack</option><option></option><option></option><option></center></select>

Thanx yall... I'mma keep doin it...

Caesar - On3

the concept was cool, i think you could have worked a little harder on imagery and stuff. this piece was still decent though,stay up.

this was alright....ya FLow WAs Nice man but ya Structure was Off ya seemed to Stretch some lines out......ya vocab and Wordplay was nice man could use some work though alround a nice piece.......

thanx dunny...

back to the top!