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12-29-03, 08:37 AM | #1 | |||||||
Registered User
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You left on a cold autumn day
IP: 8197 FA9C
Cold autumn day, Can’t think, my mind’s outta shape
All the anger inside doesn’t know how to escape I try to hold back my tears just so I’ll be respected Trying not to lose or be me, since my mind’s too infected Emotions boiled up but have reached a point of now turning back You came to me that cold autumn day with your rutheless attack I never saw you in the way I did that cold stormy day I’ll never forget how my heart got shattered by the sharp words you had to say I get tired of all these worries and all this presure’s getting old So I hold the knife real close thinkin I might have the strength to let you go I know it’s stupid, since life is only temporary and death forever But I don’t wonna resort to drugs or alcohol thinkin it can make my life better. Lives are taken for supposed mistakes we must have made For fantasy doesn’t become reality and dreams often fade But I just feel it…. I know it’s you, … you are the one I had my trial with you as a judge and now justice has been done I know I don’t deserve it,… I don’t deserve your all But without you everything seems so useless, I just can’t stand tall now it’s time for me to see and to finally understand That you ain’t gonna be there, reaching out your ever helpful hand Everyday I awake without the strength and it all starts over… I feel as if I can’t take all this pain with you, my sould is your marked-soldier I feel alone on this walk of life, the struggles i face are as locks and weights on my feet, the farther i walk, the longer the road gets, the weights get heavier with every breath. I know one day i will find my happiness, not in thoughtless images or physical riches, just another heart that has the same feelings. The locks on these chains all have their keys, as every tree must burden the falling of its leaves, the harder we try, they harder it is to please, when will we realize that while every chain has its slave, there will always be an escape of love to be free. Still…the questions i ponder, stay without your answers Your eyes now wonder, my feelings are like cancer Even face to face, you can’t look into my eyes Like i have been erased, and have been living white lies You got all your pain to be released, these lessons I’ve learned and got ‘em I just pray to god that the cold has ceased so there will never be another autumn |
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12-29-03, 10:48 AM | #2 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
Lives are taken for supposed mistakes we must have made
For fantasy doesn’t become reality and dreams often fade ^^ those two lines just jumped out at me, they were nicely written, but this whole thing i found was very nicely written. you used alot of emotion to get your message across strong and clear. with tons and tons of great detail, and even more depth to it. Its a sad piece, but near the end, you start to relise that happyness will someday come, i like that ending more then a death ending. you used lots of references to everyday things to show how you feel which made it that much easier to understand what you are feeling. with simple parts in it that are so i dunno how to put it, strong in their way, but easy to relate to feelings, like the farther i walk, the longer the road gets, you have a nice way of placing words so that it sounds very nice too. i really enjoyed this piece, i'll watch for some more! ~Tera~ DONT HATE can you check out my piece, Cold hate, sometime.
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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12-29-03, 11:35 AM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 3B84 B871
this piece was nice...the title drew me in...i never seen a poem titled like this...nice read mos deff...you doin ya thing...you have a way with words...return the favor...THINKIN ABOUT WAR...STAY UP
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12-29-03, 12:22 PM | #4 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 8197 FA9C
^^ thanks fo honest comments to both of ya
filed, I appreciate ya nice reply, resp uppin fo some feedback <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< |
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12-30-03, 02:10 PM | #5 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 8197 FA9C
come on peeps... give me some feed so I can work on this...
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