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12-24-03, 09:44 AM | #1 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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Cold Hate
IP: 78FE 5EBC
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=99812
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100560 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=99732 The drifting snow creates newly cold layers upon this shadowed earth Matching the souls of the cold hearted, and bearing down upon the warm Creating lift for the evil that lies within this shattered earth’s only soul Making in near impossible to find the good that use to lie before you It represents the harshness that happens continually throughout the year Placing all of our hatred on top of us to make us feel the horrid weight Trying to make us understand the pressure we’ve placed upon a stranger’s life Hoping that someday we might understand the true symbol of the fallen snow We trudge through its thickness wishing for the spring to come and melt it all away To take our lies and cheats from around our feet and conceal them once again What we don’t realize is even though it may not be visible those strangers still can feel it And our misbehaved actions weigh down upon others yet we tend to look through it When will the human race wake up from the cold hating trance they’ve been in so long? Realize that we are gradually tearing this whole earth apart bringing down EVERYONE! Ripping to shreds one huge family that use to altogether wish for just the positive things Where has that warm long disappeared hope gone and will we ever again feel its warmth? Could this be winters true meaning? Is god trying to make us feel the pain we give so easily? If peace came would winter still chill our souls? Will this peace ever come? I doubt it…………. ~Tera~ DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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12-27-03, 11:53 AM | #2 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
PLS quit sleeping on this!
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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12-28-03, 01:35 AM | #3 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: EC0B 84C7
Sorry for sleeping on this peice... it's just... I was in the bathroom. Urinating. Then I had to brush my teeth. I always have to bruth my teeth after urinating. (Well, actually I don't, but it sounded funny in my head.)
I like to think of Winter as a way to end things, but only to give it new birth. Much like the moon once it's completly ingulfed in shadow, only to come back again to it's bright fullness. I was really digging this up until the "when will the human race wake up" line. Because when I here scheiße like that I instantly think of idiotic immature brats who think they are so smart and holier than thou and think the human race is the scourge of the universe and other such bullscheiße. (The problem of course, is that such people are absolutely right, they just come to such a conclusion so incorrectly.) But after those two lines... you totally threw a curve ball by NOT being an idiotic immature brat. You were quite thoughtful in your remarks and very mature about it. You brought a lot of philisophical thought to the table. You didn't bring a solution... but you made the problems present. And that is certainly something. ~Shalom~ |
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12-29-03, 11:49 AM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 5203 B663
I personaly hate snow. You piece makes me hate it more. Very touching and thoughfull. I like it.
Keep doing what ur doing, |
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12-29-03, 12:36 PM | #5 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 8197 FA9C
nice piece... definitely!
You set the whole mood for this piece in your first stanza, which made me immediately wondering what you were going for. Comparing all insecurities/problems/hate we go through with snow, was just really wow, ... very clever. Loved every single line of this, hope to read more soon. resp |
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12-29-03, 03:31 PM | #6 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: C1DA C961
..I like 'snow'...I hate 'rain'...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...oh-yeah..by the way very nice 'piece'....peace...
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12-30-03, 01:24 PM | #7 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 874A 5737
^^ um yeah.....? ok
thank you for the replies Necro and Split-eyez much appreciated! ~Tera~ DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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12-30-03, 01:43 PM | #8 | ||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 1E8F 4208
Great peice! Just some quick constructive criticism.... Your poem could have led into the human race part a little smoother. maybe you could look over it and let me know if you made any changes
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12-30-03, 02:52 PM | #9 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
nah... i dont think there will be any changes, thats for your thought thou.
~Tera~ DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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12-30-03, 03:04 PM | #10 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: B910 8CBB
Amazing Piece Of Work Cat...Very Very On Topic and the Topic was Very Clear To Me and Interested Me and Brought Me In...It Wasnt Boring Either
Good Work |
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12-30-03, 06:24 PM | #11 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: C4B5 0CF0
i like this piece...its very original...you are doing your thing...topic was obvious i guess b/c you were on it...lol...STAY UP
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12-30-03, 11:12 PM | #12 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 66BE 210B
this is a good piece, from begining to end. it makes you realize that life does go around like the winter does. i hate snow too tho. try to up the vocab.. niiec
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01-14-04, 09:11 AM | #13 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
can i get some more relies pls
~Tera~ DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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