When i saw her first time it was instant
i smiled, but it didnt go away , it was consistent
We went out after that once , twice than again
there was more than looks to her, she had a brain
She met my mother , than my father
meeting her parents was a lot harder
Everyone said we would last the distance
we just smiled at them while holding hands
There was arguments sure
Than once i called her a whore
She cried, i said sorry , but this started another story
I wanted to push my limits , see how far she would go
Started telling her that this relation ship was turning to a bore
she cried everynight telling me she loved me
I kept on saying to her I wanted to be free
than, i broke up with her, she called back and started to plee
We were back together, she was convinced we would last, you see
I loved her so much, but loved to see her sad
It was againsed her religion, but we made love in my bed
Braking up was a weekly thing for me
but by Friday one again it would be "we"
Than i crossed a line one time i though,
I cheated on her, and got cought
She cried, but such was her hope, she forgave
" We are braking up" were my words the next day
She didnt call the next day,
than two , than 3 than a week
than i tried calling her all i got was a Beep.
two years passed, and i still feel like that first day
Still trying her number, 'sorry, i love you' is what i wanna say
One day a policment came to my door
" A girl had jumped of the 10th floor"
Than a Note i was given
it read "You are forgiven"

wow alot of twists in this piece! keeps changing directions, which kept me interested. its a sad topic, him loving to hurt her, but its a real topic, and you brought it here strong and in good light. The message and feeling to this piece was great! real strong with good detail. The intro was pretty good, it made me think thou that this was another lovey dovey poem, which it was far from. and your outro was dead on, i loved how it ended, thou it was sad. i like this piece alot! i'll be looking for more!

~Tera~
DONT HATE

can you check out my piece, Cold Hate, sometime.

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wow this was a nice piece, it kinda lacked the vocab tho, it was kinda basic, but next to that, it was fulla emotions. The story went very quick so you really had to get in there and feel it... I didn't see the outcome, so that was really nice.
In fact I really didn't except this poem to turn out the way it did, so that made it only positive in my eyes.
Keep 'em comin
resp

..I hate love poems..it makes me teary eyed...LOL!!!!..
anyway..very 'good' poem...your choice of words were 'fantastic'..looking forward to your future work..

what can i say thanks for the support guys and girls.

Dang you got my eyes burning. Shoo that touched me right there. I like how you put your emotions in there. It made it easier to connect with the reader.
Keep doin ya thing

uppin

Uping