http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...610#post1027610

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102162

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101966


This is just a rough rough draft, not close to completion.



Degenerate Revolution...yo...1..2..1..2..

I posed a question, responded to with unopposed oppression,
Lack of discretion gores pores creating idiomatic expression,
This tension’s cryptic, it got us encrypted in a cycle ecliptic,
It’s a nondescript syllabic script falsely entitled ‘Apocalyptic’,
You wanna really be dangerous? try washing away the war paint,
Dilate pupils weighted by iron and shatter the rusty restraints,
Taints to clout parceled out by shadows claimin’ that they stout,
Your muse is trenched in self-doubt, from this grave mine sprouts,
Still you debase the value of my face until it seems copper traced,
And spokes of memory are displaced like a fatal chariot race,
It’s like halos being gassed of helium and relieved of grace,
Like a fucking abyss, this purgatory of interplanetary space,
So I emit vicious wit lightning quick like leaving oaks split,
Tar pits paint vivid portraits of how deep the rabbit hole gets,
I suffer anger fits with violent spasms creating blood cysts,
Veins on my wrists pulse erratic like tourettes infested fists,
(Something’s wrong……)
when Trojan Horses burst because they desire to get along,
when militias speak rubble and double as pacifists at nighttime,
when pride acts as an external enzyme (now THAT’S a war crime)
Hopelessly vent as the breeze strengthens the dead sentiment,
Like a centrifuge of mediocre skill following this path of descent,
I watched the mirror subside and the image came solidified,
As conscious collides creating modern day Jekyll and Hydes,
High tide misguides schools of fish to the windward side,
Our guard was down,
conformist expansion blurred the great divide

__________________
tobacco pipe smoker
escobar, your life is over
justify the righteous nova
bullets flew out his right shoulder

dam nice keystyle. One of the best i've seen in a while. Flow was good. Rhyme scheme was also good. Had some nice imagery in there. i could really see wut u was sayin in my head. To me, there really aint nuttin wrong wit it. I like it, and cant wait ta see the finished product. And this will make a great audio.

PS
return the favor when u C my name on this board, it will be much appreciated
~1~

this adapted every aspect of modern rhyme without commercializing i like that hot rap twin this was ill

straigh verse. im glad you will be rapping it with me. what

Nyce drop....too bad more than half tha kats herre wouldnt undastand it, i lyke tha rhymes but try structurin it betta, good vocab...but rememba if people cant undastand you....they wont get it or lyke it.....so put away tha dictionary, nyce drop though, peace, 1

__________________
<center> Soft Focus</center>

"I'm stuck with...what i'm Stuck Wit, cause i don't Suck Dick" - Jadakiss

Thanks for your opinions. I'm not trying to please people here, I wrote this on my own with only myself as a critic in mind. Some words are much more vivid and communicate in one word what might take five so it helps my structure. I realize it might alienate a few readers but none of the words i used are *really* that difficult.

If you don't understand meaning of certain parts, ask me.

Really, thanks though everyone. Upping.

__________________
tobacco pipe smoker
escobar, your life is over
justify the righteous nova
bullets flew out his right shoulder

i think he summed that up perfectly

__________________
MAC4LIFE, M.multis A.authority C.commitment,MFL
Pacaso mac the Baskin Robbins Street(hustla tryin to scoop up this ice and cream)

good vocabulary i see there. Thats always something you can expect from a Meters post. Now if only I could learn how to use bigger words...

I wonder...the things you speak of in this piece...perhaps questions u've pondered for a very long tyme. Even tho I didn't understand a lot of it due to lack of vocabulary) It did sound deep in my opinion. And usually deep pieces have a story behind then...I just wanted to noe if this was true with your piece...

I luved it. I could really capture the images that you were presenting us with in each bar that you wrote...the guy who posted up der was right...thsi is one of the better keystyles i've seen in a while.

very good piece, look forward to the completed version.

this was truly great vocab.
but, other areas lacked, such as:
some of it seemed forced, like you were rhyming for the sake of it.
we all do this once in a while, dont worry about it. i still got ya flow. nice job.

Thanks for the constructive criticism, do you have any specific part in mind so i can consider editing it?

Upping, thanks for the comments.

__________________
tobacco pipe smoker
escobar, your life is over
justify the righteous nova
bullets flew out his right shoulder

Why not up some more?...........

__________________
tobacco pipe smoker
escobar, your life is over
justify the righteous nova
bullets flew out his right shoulder