Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-18-04, 08:46 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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My First Rhyme, Plz Advice and Comment,
IP: 7BF4 AB59
Get ready for a beat, koz its time u face da ultimate elite,
So get your little candy ass ready for a sticky white treat, Now you facin me and u feelin da trepidition, surrender now kid or escalate the situation, unlike you assclown......24/7 masturbation isnt my notion, i've got real bitchis & u stil dealin with puberty stagnation? Your Rhymes are makin rap look like crap, dont even try me, u'r a mouse inside da trap, Why you tryn to hide that you had a pre-mature birth, even dat wasa mistake, u wer'nt even meant for da earth, My word Siege has already made you extentuated, Lemme finsh dis off by u gettin expurgated. I had another one, but I think i lost it somewhere :/, I'll find it and post, any suggestions or advice?? Do you guys think I'm ready for Front Lines yet? Thanks for Reading, Have a good day and a very good night |
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01-18-04, 12:28 PM | #2 | |||||||
Aint Nobody Iller Than Me
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IP: C4AB 9642
Post this in Open Mic. You'll get comments there.
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01-18-04, 04:16 PM | #3 | ||||
Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
This was ok.....structure could be fixed up a bit though i think, just try to keep the lines around the same length....probably should try to work on better content...also try working on some multies....you had some alright vocab....but keep at it.
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01-18-04, 04:23 PM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: 967B 2E06
Good vocab...Structure was alright... flow could use a lil work... but yeah keep writin n u'll elevate .. keep it up
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