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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-16-04, 05:00 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Unsure Emotions and Broken Hearts
IP: 4577 CD9A
School is a hard place to be normal. Love sux. I just got home and decided to throw this together. Had to vent, so it may seem confusing.
Love Something that can turn around and bite you in the ass Starting to fall for someone, and they say they wanna be with you When the truth is, they really dont Maybe its too soon Or maybe its unsure But do you have to toy with my emotions? One minute its one thing, then the next its something else Love seems to be a myth Just sits and waits for the best moment to hurt you Even liking someone can turn into heartbreak and you realize it was something deeper A crush that got stronger, or did it? You think that you dont want anyone to be with you Enjoying being alone But that little voice inside yearns to be loved I have so many guys that want to be with me, but I want the one I cant have Either I cant have it or it doesnt want me School gurl crush? I guess so Puppy love, it all sucks Who needs it anyway? But u want it so You want it and want that person, so you get even more hurt Now if I only knew what to do next Hide and think and not let anyone in Forget love once again Not let it happen and let it come to me Not go out and look for it, just hurts me more You had no idea did you? You had no idea I felt like this about u You had no idea what you did to me today hurt me Most dont, and I'm gonna try and prevent it from happenin again You turned away your emotions and it hurt The whole way home I was just in my clothes, no jacket I wanted to feel the coldness against my skin and freeze my soul I lay here in the cold and dont care anymore I dont care wut happens anymore I could get pnemonia and not care You dont seem to care, so why should I? Coldness shall no longer affect me anymore Seeing you just turned my soul to stone You took what I had and spit it back at me Now all I want to do is sit on the edge of the water and stare into the water Wish I were there with no worries Remembering past loves Heh love, was it real?, very doubtful Pushing everyone away now Going into the place where I feel safe Layin in bed and staring until I go to that place in my mind The place that keeps me sane and helps me Wishing I were there forever Eventually one day I will |
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01-18-04, 02:35 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 4577 CD9A
GEEZE. UPPIN for some feed.........
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01-18-04, 02:50 PM
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#3
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New to RB
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IP: 5E8E 873B
i liked it. it had tha stream of consciousness technique i like to use. it still was kinda simple though. u need more metaphores, similies and all those other poetic techniques. it kinda jumped around, so u need to focus more on ur topic. one more thing, don't mention ur topic so many times, it kinda cheapens its value. stay up n keep writing though.
please return the favor on into eternity. thanks. |
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01-18-04, 07:36 PM
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#4
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
a poem or one really long question? lol
reading it feels like im in your brain, for the poem seems to be every thought that was going throu your brain and you just wrote it as it came, not thinking about structure or anything else. emotion was so strong and real feeling i tend to wonder if we make our selves fall in love, thinking we want it so much, but how can we really tell if we are in love, or just wanting to be in love? anyway nice piece, makes one think. ~Tera~ DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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01-19-04, 12:48 AM
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#5
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Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: EC0B 84C7
I need to re-read this again when I don't have an upset stomach. (Who knew eating a pound of candy really WOULD give someone a tummy ache?)
But... currently, I'd like to say this was great. Like the aforementioned 'stream of conciousness' deal, like a Sole of Anticon kind of rap or something. 'Course I was reading this wrong. It's my fault. But the words were quite impacting. Personally, I don't think love is worth much at such a young age. Or any age for that matter. Not until you're sure of the person you're with. And the funny thing is, you're never sure you are sure because the only time you'll know it's wrong, is when it's too late. But eh, best of luck with your future love life at least. ~Irenic~ |
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01-19-04, 01:31 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
Thx for the feed all. Especially you filed. Means a lot. Filed, you were right on how it was written. I just came home from school and started writin to get everything out. Thx for the feed. Keep it comin. Much luv.
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