ah yeah..dont.......STOP/
CL comin out bustin from the......TOP/
travellin 10 times faster than the speed of a gun....SHOT/
on a hunt for mc's to cut up and let....ROT/
u sittin on my dick..u gon get fucked and LOCKED/
KNOCK/
more DOORZ/than kidz TRICK or TREATING/
settle SCOREZ/ i'm gettin SICK o EATING/
mc's up and SHITTING/
mc's up...we need a MEETING/
its gettin one SIDED/
even BLINDED/
mc's still catch a verbal BEATING/
its INTRIGING/
no amount of vote RIGGING/
or crew BRINGING/
can stop me when i start SPITTIN../
ssshhhhh...
oohh...look...mc's are QUITTING//
yeah.. ...
all who stood to battle atr SITTING//
fuck dis lets start the BIDDING/
.............................
...uuummmmmmmmm...
look at me grinning/
uuuhhhhhh
i.....fuckin..punch ya CHIN IN?/
ehhh..
i'm runnin out of words to FIT IN/
so i'm out ...'bout to start CHILLIN'//
ah yeah...

this goes out to every rapper in rapbattles...
not in a bad way..
jus kickin a lil freestyle...
and come join me...

__________________
YoUrS TrUlLY... .CL

I dunno where to start.....

Structure was wack....fix it.
Flow was there but it didnt improve the piece at all
This was waaaayyy to simple and next time pick a topic

OVERALL - dont quit your day job 3/10

Hit this up

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107026

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

..and this goes out to you...this was very very WACK!

sorry homeboy but this weren't good, yo flow was crap (dont take shit deeply), and you need to elevate bigtime! dont hate, elevate yo! keep at yo shit then you'll get better

Yeah this wasnt that good....to improve your structure try keeping your lines around the same length so its structured good and it will help out the flow a little in your pieces, and you dont need to CAP your rhyming words....but just keep at it and you will get there.