Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
02-04-04, 12:46 AM | #1 | |||
New to RB
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A slave to the pen...
IP: CC00 3D33
A slave to the pen... Balled up in a corner......I try to refrain from it But my brain plummets, & the flames cometh The flames that will begin my brain’s summit To the very paramount of its creative process This is something you might see as progress But not me........See, it’s a scheme by my pen To act like she is my godsend, So that I spend All my time with that bitch, instead of my ken... She makes me say goodbye to all my friends... I don’t want too, but what can my defense be, When my pen & imagination work against me? They want to consume everything that I know & use it in weird ways, cause they say I’ll grow But I know that deep inside, they’re deceivers So my pen tries, and get me to believe her And my imagination intrigues her, on topics... They force me to adopt this way & not knock it It is all because of them that I don’t got shit Except random writings & a nervous twitch That serves as this, clock which’s purpose is To force me periodically to spurt this shit In multi-syllable rhymes, and switching flows... Not often switching clothes, and I’m missing those Times when I was in control on the life I lead... But she convinces me that this is the life I need So in strife, I heed... And I become submisive to the pen...nothing is sweet..... She leaves me in a dark room...With 1000 poems and nothing to eat..... -Archival |
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02-04-04, 12:52 AM | #2 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Great title...slave to me...Hmmm....Good choice...anyway..your piece was okay..good flow with good content..peace..~checkout ...I...
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02-05-04, 03:30 PM | #3 | ||||
Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
I liked this....good structure in it.....Nice concept i thought....made a good read....the flow in this was good, it stayed on point through the whole thing, flowed pretty smoothly i thought....you had some nice multies in this, liked the ones in the begining lol but they were good through the whole thing....overall a nice piece man.
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02-05-04, 03:32 PM | #4 | |||
New to RB
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IP: 910E 2C7C
^Thanx for taking time to read. Pen, I forgot about you. I gotta go, but when i get back in a couple hours I'll reply to your shit.
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02-05-04, 03:35 PM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 5469 F299
yeha flow stayed on point throughout this shit
hot peice, good vocab and didn't over do it and make it too complicated to understand got the message clear mna nice drop |
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02-05-04, 05:27 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 261B 829D
This flow was dope, it was damn tight, i liked the multis, this went over a beat so damn nice, your content tied in with the topic nicely with it being quite universal to relate to, but i didnt see any lines like they waoh, but it was one of the better open mics i read for quite a while, the flow on this was the best part by far, the multis and sylable count is def dope. pz and stay up
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02-05-04, 11:10 PM | #7 | |||
New to RB
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IP: CC46 F4D6
I've Returned all favors.
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02-06-04, 12:25 AM | #8 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: B3D3 DDCD
that shit was hard.............................................. .......propz........................
__________________
IM UNSTOPPABLE LIKE 50 IM UNPOPPABLE/ ILL PUT MORE WOOD IN YA GIRLS MOUTH THAN A POPSICKLE/ <Center><img src=http://rapwize.2xx.org/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=4177 border=0></Center> |
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02-06-04, 08:47 AM | #9 | |||
New to RB
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IP: 8BD2 0A4E
^You shoule be banned.
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02-06-04, 08:56 AM | #10 | |||
"The Eleete"
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IP: FAD9 BD2A
Good shit man man i like this............the opening was ill
Balled up in a corner......I try to refrain from it But my brain plummets, & the flames cometh Very nice! One of the few good ones ive seen.........the flow was there an was very consistent......and it was easy to read as well.........This would be an excellent audio man i would love to hear it if you ever get it on it........keep up the good work an hit mine up if you have the chance......... Not Enough to be a Dope Emcee http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110121 |
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02-06-04, 09:14 AM | #11 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 8C7D 8E52
yo i liked this shit nice topic stayed on point a nice set of multies it was a good read nothin to say bad about it cause the imagery took the place of lackness in wordplays which made this even better kepp doin ya thing
holla
__________________
shut the fuck up even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun dead in middle of little of little italy little did we know that we riddle some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun |
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02-06-04, 12:59 PM | #12 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 7A38 2D7B
you may be new to RB but i guess you used to write before you came here, you have a good start there, you just need to build on what you have to make it untouchable, you have grasped the basics, a couple of months down the line, i'm sure you'll be improving and on the way up.
Thanks for replying to my open mic drop, i appriciate the feedback. i can see talent there... |
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02-06-04, 01:10 PM | #13 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 40D6 EBC3
Flow was on...
Vocabulary was good... Structure was normal... Complexitity wasnt really there... Liked the topic though... Good! Keep going man... Pz... |
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02-06-04, 11:12 PM | #14 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 5502 12A2
nice work...nice concept/scheme...flowed well and had some nice multis..keep up the good work
__________________
The only defintion that matters... Word Definate N Slik Shadow Vs. PROOF N Teflon NO SHOW BITCHES : Hit_Man #
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02-07-04, 05:07 PM | #15 | |||
New to RB
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IP: 412E F09C
Last upper on this piece.
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