Freestyle about life

Life I know is hard on everyone and anything that lives..
Your ideas leak out your brain like it was made out of sieves..
No way to tell others what you would like them to know..
No way to tell which way your whole lifes gonna go..
Just play each day hour to hour, make right decisions..
Like you have the power, just say fuck to givens..
Don't take anything for granted, your whole view is slanted..
Like a dog that just sat and panted, keep this idea as planted..
None other than you can win your own game and win some fame..
Just hit the record make it spin, hit the beat and shout out your name..
Don't let others tell you your wrong, just keep spittin until it runs out..
Be like the drummer ring your gong, don't run from life just turn about..

I'd really like some response to this, tell me how to improve my shit. Thanks

I know I put this out before but it never got a chance to have comments because I didn't know the rules about one Open Mic per day so here it is again

Word. This was ok. A little work on the wordplay that you had would be nice. It really flowed easily. I got the message that you were trying to get across. A little basic but it was decent.

I know people are going to tell you to get more complicated or use multis, etc etc etc, but fuck that. Do what feels right to you. Everyone shouldn't write the same. Just keep progressing at what you do.

Please drop feedback in this thread:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112603