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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-05-04, 09:59 PM
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#1
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I Used To Pray
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Corupted Visions - Mirror
IP: C981 E40F
Mirror
Im reading tips, on how to improve my social mentality cuz' lookin good, is out of my mind..and capabuility my stability, others good looks, really makes me jealous im allways the discoureged 1, after hangin out with the fellas you dont know me, but when i post a picture, they say... great personality i mean thats gotta mean something... when theyve never hurd me speak im fucked up literaly, ide be happy if i had blown off knees still bleeding, so views wouled be more interested in that then me im self concious of my looks and my attitude, theres no cure Ive never been satisfied since the day i looked in the mirror and my girlfriend, im nervous, and sweaty whenever i see her dont know why after 1 year shes still with me, ive seen a mirror
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02-05-04, 10:14 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
u have the ingrediants of a good writer
content was good to read.. but you need to work on piecing it together and rhyming better best advice is to keep writing and read other open mics |
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02-06-04, 12:40 AM
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#3
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 399E F0FD
This wa sshort and nice...and I agree with ^...you do have the formula for a good writer..keep at it..this piece had a good content..but your presentation wasn't all that great..peace...~click my sig...read...II...
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02-06-04, 06:48 AM
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#4
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I Used To Pray
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IP: C981 E40F
thanx guys, will someone explain to me how to peice things together better..i dont really understand....
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02-06-04, 01:52 PM
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#5
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Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
This was pretty good here man...the content in this was good, i liked it...kinda short though but it was still nice....You are elevating nicely i think man, keep doing it
 ....overall a good piece, made a nice short read....keep at it. |
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02-06-04, 01:54 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 7A38 2D7B
short but oh so heart felt, and Topic, don't be self concious, although i haven't seen what you look like, i'm sure your gorgeous, and even if you look like a road traffic accident, i'll still love you for what you are, because to me you seem like an amazing person..your a funny guy, and a good writer..and you always have my support, i ain't the best looking, but screw it, i never will be..don't bother me.
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02-06-04, 05:50 PM
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#7
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I Used To Pray
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IP: C981 E40F
lol wow, i do have a girlfriend and we have been together for a yr so i cant be hideous, but i do have a good personality as most say lol. Thanx Fanta, your so nice..and im sure your beautiful
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02-06-04, 07:24 PM
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#8
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
from the first drops i read of your to this, there is quite a bit of improvement, its more complex and fits better, it could be smoother, but keep working on it.... its getting there..... your vocab was nice... all in all decent read
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02-07-04, 01:13 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP: 7A38 2D7B
thanks Topic..you are lovely!
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02-07-04, 04:35 PM
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#10
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I Used To Pray
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IP: C981 E40F
thanx guys uppin
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02-07-04, 04:53 PM
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#11
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New to RB
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IP: 412E F09C
I really liked the feeling in this piece. It was an easy and enjoyable read. The onlt thing i would say to work on is rhymes. Besides that, it was a decent drop. Keep droping them shits man.
Please drop feedback here: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112603 |
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