Sorry, i forgot to setup the battle when I told you to spit first. I am going to go ahead and spit then you can copy your verse onto the new thread. Same rules apply 10 - 15 lines.

Wow another Rap Battles virgin to torment, how exciting...
You wanna' fuck wit' me but suffer from performance anxiety...
Decidedly, you should abort this battle you know you lost it...
Truth is you couldn't flow if you were poured from a faucet...
You're a closet, homosexual torn from my caustic rhyme pages...
I'm glad we're battlin' textual because your wackness is contagious...
Phrases like 'spacious' come to mind when refering to the spaces...
Not only in your rhymes, but the spot where your brain is...
Or was, because honestly I can't pretend that I didn't notice...
It's just that your so porous that I had to let you know this...
All said and done I hope that you continue to write...
Seriously though, you're toy, I was just being polite!

Niggas in the church say: kill whitey all night long. . . . the white man is the devil. . . . the CRIPS and Bloods are soldiers I'm recruiting with no dispute; drive-by shooting on this white genetic mutant. . . . let's go and kill some rednecks. . . . Menace Clan ain't afraid. . . . I got the .380; the homies think I'm crazy because I shot a white baby; I said; I said; I said: kill whitey all night long. . . . a nigga dumping on your white ass; fuck this rap shit, nigga, I'm gonna blast. . . . I beat a white boy to the motherfucking ground. . . .This nigga, i ain't never made a sound. . .think you can beat me, shit, ill kill all you fools, im like a nigga been takin E's. . .hey Apathy. . .u hear me, your name sound like it just come from a chemist. . .shit im just playin you fool, yeah i said you waz cool. . .

Finally this cat responded back, took forever. Anyways lets get some
votes/feedback , I don't want this to get slept on
Uppin'

Cover your dome because it's on once again
And I'm a young playa that's known to win

Uppin #2, come on lets get some votes. Even if you don't have enough posts to vote, I would appreciate the feedback. Thanks.

Apathy: opener



It was a decent open, except it really didn't catch or hit til the 3rd 4th line


Jamie: open


this was a decent open, lacked structure(hard to read and get what you mean by it)
it had flow length to it, but it needed to be STRUCTURED

Gotta give the open to Apathy

Middle of Apathy's verse


I liked this it had flow going, had multies, had structure (coulda been a lil longer)
But bottom line it went together and carried to me nice (coulda had a lil more vocab.)

Middle of Jamie's verse:


This is where you lost me... could've had dopeness in it, but I couldn't tellcuz of the structure, (where it ended and picked up) bounce, flow
I'd say decent wordplay, vocab etc, but it WOULDN'T MATTER this is a BATTLE
you might have ill vocab, wordplay, etc but it AIN'T SHIT if the on lookers can't feel it
on the vibe you mean it work on that (STRUCTURE)


Close

Apathy's close:


Decent ending, coulda been better but it's flow still was smooth,
cuz of the structure, multies, etc'


Jamie's close:


Wow.. see same thing as I said bout middle of your verse
WE NEED TO FEEL IT IN BACK FORTH FASHION

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
ETC

I got to give this to Apathy

But in closing I will say this
you BOTH lacked PUNCHES and PERSONALS
This was a BATTLE that is what ya'll should'a been doing
so try to elevate before next battle


Either way, you BOTH can take this battle as a lesson

Just giving an honest opinion
do the same

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undefined
Love for all real lyricists and poets
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Open Mics
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729

2nd Battle NEEDS 4
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858

Uppin #3, where's all the votes I can see there is plenty of people on online.
Please, don't sleep on this, I need some feedback/votes. Thanks

come on, will all y'all vote already
its like you all goin steady

uppin #4 what the fuck, where are the votes? Even if you cant vote please post some feedback it would be much appriciated. This shit is seriously getting slept on. Please vote.Thanks

Wow another Rap Battles virgin to torment, how exciting...
You wanna' fuck wit' me but suffer from performance anxiety...
alright opening.. the punchs could have come off a little better.. um thought you had a dope follow through metaphor
Decidedly, you should abort this battle you know you lost it...
Truth is you couldn't flow if you were poured from a faucet...
follow through is kind of basic, on metaphor and punch
You're a closet, homosexual torn from my caustic rhyme pages...
I'm glad we're battlin' textual because your wackness is contagious...
follow through is played..set is weak
Phrases like 'spacious' come to mind when refering to the spaces...
Not only in your rhymes, but the spot where your brain is...
good line, nice connection to lines...over all this was a good bar
Or was, because honestly I can't pretend that I didn't notice...
It's just that your so porous that I had to let you know this...
good attemp at keeping flow but came off rugged.. the punch here wasnt much i thought
All said and done I hope that you continue to write...
Seriously though, you're toy, I was just being polite!
nice ending.. not bad. punch isnt much over all..


Niggas in the church say: kill whitey all night long. . . . the white man is the devil. . . . the CRIPS and Bloods are soldiers I'm recruiting with no dispute; drive-by shooting on this white genetic mutant. . . .
i see your ending follow through concept,but most the set up was just filler type ish.. didnt get to the point of Hey im dissing you
let's go and kill some rednecks. . . . Menace Clan ain't afraid. . . . I got the .380; the homies think I'm crazy because I shot a white baby; I said; I said; I said: kill whitey all night long. . . .
wtf kind of bar is that? you shot a baby? nigga thats just mean.......not feeling that honestly.. truthfully i almsot didntvote on this battle because of the racism....
a nigga dumping on your white ass; fuck this rap shit, nigga, I'm gonna blast. . . . I beat a white boy to the motherfucking ground. . . .This nigga, i ain't never made a sound. . .
alot better than the last bar.. for real that fucking section was fucked.. a baby dog.. thas future.. thas fucked....this was alright.. didnt do much of dissing..
think you can beat me, shit, ill kill all you fools, im like a nigga been takin E's. . .hey Apathy. . .u hear me, your name sound like it just come from a chemist. . .shit im just playin you fool, yeah i said you waz cool. . .
ending flows off it seems.. lacked punchs and metaphors i thought..

Over all, WTF was up with the baby line and kill whittie ish nigga? I mean duke, come on, this int fucking rodney king.. your verse lacked on punchs that were directed.. your lines didnt diss him enough.. Metaphros could be workd on but focus on writing punchlines..

vote= apathy
came with a better style ithough, more punchs hand nice metaphor to top it off

oNe

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This was a pretty good battle

Flow: Apathy
Punches:Both
structure:Apathy

Jamie - u lost points by sticken to the whole racial thing try to not go over to useing the word nigga and white boy as these are offensive as people dunt know wat u look like try to attack general things not race.

Apathy -good start and middle but ur ending needed to be more powerful if u had made a punch line at the end u would of completely merked jamie

Overall - Both did well!

My Unofficial vote goes to Apathy

Whack battle...

that jamie guy needs some therapy..

obviously some white dude who just hates his own people..lol..


but he can't write for shit..how was that a battle verse?...you talked about killing white babys ...wtf?...

apathy got this easily...

with some good flow and punches..structure was good too..

V-apathy.


peace
-1-

Breakdown: Apathy had some decent punches wordplay, the space where your brain is line was hot, I didn't understand a thing Jamie said, I didn't even think he was rapping, only baby and crazy just barely rhyme, so overall, you fucking suck. Hit some punches, shock value shit is over now Jamie, get some creativity. Apathy, you're opener was garbage, throw that away. Make your two best bars the opener and closer. Jamie, hit the Wackness Center Immediately, get some help before continuing trying to rap.

Vote - Apathy

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I rhyme better than who rhymes better than you