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02-12-04, 07:19 PM | #1 | |||||||
The Golden Chyld
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Unforced Errors
IP: 17B3 6207
The Love
It was a blessin to have her affection Interestin to see her go that extra mile .. for my heart's protection 2 doves of love nestin for no less then Eternity, now it burnin me to see my reflection .. without her restin beside me. Correction Im lying Complexions defining The treu meaning of Ebony and Ivory Ebony, my heart, blood, sweat and tears Steered me into a state .. in which I can't connect the years Not knowin how many went by Since her image met my eyes Both, we're eachother's staff Made out of wood, ply Never caused her cries Always lit up her grey skies The brakes tried, but were unable .. to cease the act that makes lives No mistakes, why? If I answere that, it'd be a lie .. in disguise of death And yes for her I would've died. The Want Ivory, the perfect compliment to the other Can call her my secret lover So alike I think they shared the same mother Cant help thinking of her Skin, so soft to my touch Hardly to I see her much .. and that absence is makin me blush Such a delite thru the night Her shine, blinds me with fright The sight of suche purity Makes ureges become impolite Does she have the right .. to be considered supreme? Along with free .. and the passionate right to dream? It seems unfair, only difference .. the colors of their hair Give or take the tone of their skin .. but why should I care? Here I am caught between .. a war of back stabs Cryin my heart out .. cuz I cant have the last laugh Everyday I walk right past .. Ivory holdin hands with Ebony .. the one I love, the other's the one I can't have. The Mistake Today I feel alone .. home, with no heart to call my own Ivory's at her house down the street .. Ebony's on the phone .. I miss you, wish I could .. be there with you .. Yea sorry bout that I shoulda .. Been awake to kiss you. I said my goodbyes .. even pretended to cry She told me Id make it thru the week .. I told her Id try A whole week without her here .. the feeling I feared Plus it's been about a year .. since I caressed Ivory's hair .. Im in here I said as she came in She walked in the room .. I stared her beauty down in amazement How's ur day been? I asked .. seconds later she was in my grasp She asked about Ebony .. She's gone, buried, that's in the past She laughed, I kissed her lips Never had anything this perfect Didn't need any coersions .. we strove on eachother's urges .. embedded in love making .. moans and groans of pleasure .. in the distance keys shaking .. too late to take back my loaned treasure .. and passionate kisses, the moisture on her thighs .. footsteps ascending the stairs .. I tried to close it from my mind .. ready to combust inside .. the door swung open, I jumped up My tough luck, I finally made her cry .. Im sorry Ebony baby, I fucced up. Last edited by MeNTiLL : 02-12-04 at 07:42 PM. |
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02-12-04, 07:34 PM | #2 | |||||||
I Am The Light
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IP: C560 DFFF
sounded like more of a song than a written. is this a song you made with a beat and what not? i mean its a written obviously but what i mean is sometimes songs are a bit more to the point and easier expressed without abstract thought i think thats how i felt about it. not my favorite from you but its still good
keep workin the magic ill keep reading
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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02-12-04, 07:49 PM | #3 | |||||||
1E
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IP: DF7B C8F7
interesting rhyming scheme, quite smooth, wasnt really keen on the way you set it out, but ya had some decent imagery and wordplay, which i felt kept the interest going, not a bad slant on the topic either, when i first started reading, thought it was gonna be the same shit... but you handled it a bit different..... quite a good drop......
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02-12-04, 07:50 PM | #4 | |||
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IP: A9A7 727D
this was an amazing piece man...so full of imagery, emotion and clear humanity that it was...superb?
your flow was great, I loved the mass amount of rhyming words in the first verse...very quality. I don't usually like subtitled pieces, but this came out well... I liked the use of Ebony and Ivory as their names great piece man =)
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Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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02-13-04, 12:26 PM | #5 | |||||||
The Golden Chyld
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IP: 17B3 6207
Thanks for the replies you three .. Uppin for more feedback .. One
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02-13-04, 12:35 PM | #6 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
To this had a dope immagery man, really good..content was good..flow& vocab were on point, .. Like deac said.. more a songwrittin here, but noone the less, very good in my opinon the sheme was good to catch & easy to pick up so thats good, .. really enojoyed this man, ..good drop =)
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Fuck you |
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02-13-04, 02:12 PM | #7 | |||||||
The Golden Chyld
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IP: 17B3 6207
Thanks for the peep Eddy .. uppin .. one
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02-14-04, 12:36 PM | #8 | |||||||
The Golden Chyld
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IP: 17B3 6207
upping !
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02-14-04, 01:37 PM | #9 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
^What he said
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Fuck you |
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