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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-13-04, 11:16 PM
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#1
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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....Dead..To..Live....(II)
IP: CF61 4449
jkfhk
I Begin To Continue As I Insribe It In Your Minds, The Story Of This Man And What His Life Defines, His Goodness Overwhelming Yet He Is So Evil, A Poison In This Man And Icey Heart To Melt, Maybe He Always Cared How Everyone-else Felt, -About Him, So He CARED And Was Angered At The Same Time, O How Time Flys, Till This Human Being Died, And His Soul Was Mine, Cauz' The Devil Is More Human Than Any Citizen Of Earth, He Has Suffered Death, Yet Lifes What He Deserves, To Walk This World In Strides No Man Can Take, To Have The Life He Wants, No Man Could Ever Create, He May Be So Vile, But At The Same Time ALways Correct, He Makes Sure To Save Himself A Buck Or 2, With 1800-COLLECT, And He Owns Much Respect, This Man Walks Our Earth This Very Day, To The Point People Stop And Smile, And Greet Him On Their Ways, Satan Wants Him Back Now.... And God Notices That He Cares, But He Just Says No To Death as He Glares At The Two And Stares, -Them Down, They Are Scared God And Satan Both, This Isn't Living Its The Murder HE Wrote, The Murder Of Our Very Earth, Our Planet And It's Soil, The Effort And Confidence, Of Making This World Boil, Until It Bubbles Over... And The Streets Become All Blood, No Crips, No Pimps No KKK... Just The Red Mud, Dropping Bodies Of In Rivers To Sleep With The Fishes, This Man Aint About The Ho's, He Never Pimped The Bitches, Evil Is What He About, All He Cares To Do Is Slaughter, Yet He's The Man Of The House, He Comes Home To A Wife And Daughter, Learning How To Murk He Spits Saliva Mixed With Heat, He Learned How To Rap The Day His Death Would Intervene, Satan Brought Him Down And He's Revisting His Hell, This Man Came Before Lucifer Trapped In Firey Cells, The Cells Of His Anatomy And His Body All Alone, This Man Just Wants Some Self Respect, But Has To Groan And Moan, I'm Completely Ejoyed To Say His Reign On Earth Is Now Extinct, But He Has No Where Else To Go.... What Will Be His Next Earth, From Day One This Man Was Devoted.... To See Blood Spill, He Was Never Really Dead To Live, He Wus Born To Kill
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_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II....  _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
Last edited by SyaNidal : 02-14-04 at 02:06 AM. |
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02-14-04, 02:01 AM
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#2
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
ok if your gonna view it reply i got 7 views no replys gay ive had 20 views no replies...
cmon reply... levae a link too... _-SyaNidal-_...O-U-T...Out...
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-14-04, 12:23 PM
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#3
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New to RB
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IP: 4577 CD9A
yo nigga da first one was betta dis dis one just sucks
ta save a buck or to wit 1 800 collect he owens much respect lol u a dumb bitch the streets become all blod no crips no pimps u done lost yo mo fucken mind huh any way fuck u an ur raps ders ur reply bitch nigga |
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02-14-04, 03:16 PM
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#4
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
ok lmao@the newb freeposting/\upp
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-14-04, 04:52 PM
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#5
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: A560 AB42
aight...read both..
this one kinda was inferior to part 1... seems like u were tired of writing so u just came up with some rhymes..and no content.. i mean..its a good story so to speak..but the way u put it together wasnt so good...although u damn near saved it with the closing statement.. so the thought was there...but my opinion is that your effort gave way to impatience.. like u just said.."fuck this..i wanna finish already".. my opinon....peace |
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02-14-04, 06:04 PM
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#6
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
I kind noticed after I did It I wusnt feeling it that night...
(yesterday)... so yeah probly... maybe dunno...
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-14-04, 09:15 PM
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#7
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Flyweight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I told you I would read this - so here I am. I have pretty similar advice to the first one. Namely that you had a good idea but didn't seem to execute it very well. Some of the rhymes seemed forced, the aforementioned 1-800-Collect, etc. You had some nice lines too, ie:
"The Murder Of Our Very Earth, Our Planet And It's Soil, The Effort And Confidence, Of Making This World Boil," Just didn't bring them consistently. Very nice closing line - in fact I think if you write something similar later you should think about recycling that to a piece more deserving of it. Keep writing - I'll keep reading. |
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02-15-04, 11:29 AM
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#8
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
uppin...
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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