I'm new here (obviously.. look at the post count), so I'm just going to drop something that I wrote a week ago for this topical tournament I was in (at the kanye west battle boards). Lemme know what you guys think.. it's not the best (especially the intro) but hopefully you'll agree with some of my ideas/critiques.. anyways, leave as much feedback as possible. THANKS. and if you don't understand any of it (esp the whole gay marraige thing) then ask.. and i'll elaborate. ~Osk

oh yah, and just so I won't get in trouble.. i left feedback here

(hope it works)

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my verse ---> <--- your verse

I have to keep it real…
If I were president, I’d pinch myself- make sure it’s real
a dream, life’d be surreal… a minority capturing the majority of the nations votes,
Their fragile trust and all their hopes..
Lived with struggle oppression and determination
So no matter what we facin’, our nation’ll never go up in smoke.

No joke.. the_Osk cares…

If I were President…

I’d make sure we all had proper care, full dental and medi-care
Life’s too precious, can’t afford a single life to spare,
Enough wealth to spread amongst ourselves, if we all just share/

Things like good health and education and safety/protection aren’t privileges,
They our rights.. so then why some of our ghettos live life like 3rd world villages,
Raise the standard of living for every citizen, not just those born with they riches/

Awe fuck, speaking of citizens… If I were President…

There would be no illegal aliens or residents,
proclaim the United States your domain and you’re already a citizen
We all living here, so don’t treat people like they visitin/

I mean…

How can we deny our brothers and sister of color-
the right to call this Home, when they risked lives crossing imaginary borders,
But have no qualm sending them to foreign lands, defending us in gory wars/

Shit’s not right… but If I were President…

I’d crack down on crime, make it safe for kids to play at night.
No one that young deserves such a harsh plight,
Surrounded by crack pipes, prostitution and gun fights.

A single tear roll down my right cheek,
The day our kids can calmly ride they bikes in they streets,
Without looking over their shoulder fearing thugs and police.

If I were President… the past few ones, nobody would miss em..

Cuz I would break from the norm, and reform our whole educational system,
So many problems, It’d take me a whole ‘nother drop just to list ‘em..

We need to balance the playing field in K through Twelve b4 affirmative action can be shelved
You think rich whites gunna fight to make things right? Yah right! We gotta do that shit ourselves.
Our youth needs higher education, learn to self empower
Stop looking at themselves like victims, Get a degree and gain political power,
Go into their communities, give hope to families whose lives so sour
You can improve yo hopeless city for free, if u just volunteer some of yo invaluable hours.

Peoples lives aren’t a game, so lets boycott these corporate Monopolies
Shits lame, Wal-Marts K-Marts, they all the same, carbon copies..
Need to switch up the game, get creative and innovative, progressive not just greed
Wanna compete? then start a business that caters to your peoples special needs
Make yo green AND better serve your community.. you see, it does pay to do good deeds/

BUT WHO WILL SUPPORT YOU ALL?

If I’m president, the answer’s ME…. I’d never let my children fall
Make sure everyone’s living happily… a better nation overall, for us all
I’d follow my heart and conscience, not imposing religion but ruling with pure intentions
Tax breaks for parents whose children make good grades, teach teens pregnancy prevention
Jails goal will be total rehabilitation, not sure death through permanent detention
No death penalty, and very limited abortions… only if it’s rape or could harm the mother
How can we punish killers, then turn around and kill one another
No hypocrisy in my administration, only democracy through good will and determination
More rights for all… no discrimination through unfair legislation
We need to separate the church and the state, there’s no other way
Civil Unions for all, no matter if you straight lez or gay
Important benefits and rights given to ALL citizens, the constitution says we equal
Let the churches “marry” whoever they deem worthy, judging all God’s people
The is the best compromise in my eyes, after much contemplation and consideration
Appease both parties equally, there will be NO division in my UNITED nation

The burden of millions on my shoulders.. tough decisions made, but I’d never resent
8 years of positive change, human progression… IF OSK WERE PRESIDENT.

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my verse ---> <--- your verse

nice shitt ha ha ha ha ha shit

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Lyrical Materminds

BigBootyChick

wow, u read it all fast.. g'shit.. so you really liked it (or was it sarcasm)? if so, what was your favorite part. any criticism (i know there's a ton of room for improvement)? thanks for the feedback.

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my verse ---> <--- your verse

yo dat shit was pretty decent a few multi's
nice imagery and u had some ceative idea's in there
shit u make me wanna vote for yo ass for president lol
but for real it was decent u just need more multi's
and a better structure and dat shit is all good
holla at ya boy and leave feed at my shit
i dont know how to link though

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LYRICALLY KILLIN BITCHES

thanx 4 da feedback... any more?

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my verse ---> <--- your verse

this shit was preety good odd topic but nicely done forget about the multis as long as u creative enough in ya verse u good and a little punch or something to spice it up would help but this was a 7 outta 10 decent drop and keep droping them....

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=142971
^^ hit me back with some feed back

man i am feelin that like none other, we need to collab def , your views are very similar to mine , we are the future and you see that , my jaw was dropped when i read that , its amazing keep it comin, peep my "i'm a terrorist"

peace brah keep it up

what up osk, never got to give u feedback on ur president shit on the kanye boards

i agree with alotta ur lines and shit its all true
the flowin was pretty good, some of the lines were a lil played out but nothin repetitive, great piece
we gotta get some more respectable kanye peeps on here, this shit better then kanye boards no doubt
~1

um it was a feedback i like it

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Lyrical Materminds

BigBootyChick

what up osk...this is sugashanemosDEF from kanye........nice drop....very drop...I'll get back to this and respon more in depth...in the mean time...keep bangin

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Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew