first, my feedback for the day... here


okay.. so this drop.. was for the topical tourney, the topic was "on the last string"... i'm new here.. it said drop by aug.22nd.. and it's barely 11pm here (still aug 22nd) in Los Angeles.. but I guess it was a different time zone, because the thread closed before I got a chance to post (hence my 0-1 record... BOO!). Anyways, I figured I wouldn't let the drop go to waste... and just post it here, for everyone to see/critique.. enjoy!

__________________
my verse ---> <--- your verse

This is the true story of my grandma Susana Soto
No photo could truly capture just how incredible
How remarkable, how inspiring this old lady is
Which is why a tear drops my eye while writing this.

Her story begins in a foreign country more than half a century in the past
She was the principal of the Elementary in which my mother attended class
So you know my mom was watched closely, disciplined but never harassed
And in turn, she raised me and my 2 brothers… believe me- not an easy task
But I digress, . lemme continue telling you why my grandma is the best
She’s not rich, so it’s not her house, rings, or luxurious things that will impress
It’s more precious things, like when she visited the States for the first time
We were teens, she sixty five, but she still played ‘Ball with us, blew my mind
Showed me that we’re as young as our health lets us be, whatever age you’re feeling
And her heart is so giving… a poor old lady giving me fifty.. felt like I was stealing
But how could I say no? When I look into her face, I saw a special glow
She’s grown old, no better place for her money to go… So I humbly accepted
Go bankrupt if I paid back all that I’m indebted, always giving me when least expected
But more than money, I took from her life lessons- infinitely more precious
Taught me to fight valiantly no matter how much life tests us.

But sadly, life’s final test will soon put to rest my wonderful granny
God wants her in heaven with Him, is how she explains it to me calmly
But the reality is her mind’s been taken over by mental disease, slowly eating her away
The best Doctors at UCLA don’t even know the illness’ name, so we just hope and pray
We have medical aid, so of course they give her pills of every color, shape and size
Lets be real, no pill can cure my grandma so ill, so close to the heavenly skies
But I refuse to cry, savoring the time she’s alive until that final goodbye…

Gazing into my grandmas eyes, my heart longs to sing a sorrow song
See past her seemingly happy disguise, on her last string almost gone
But I put up a smile and hold the tears back from rolling down my cheek
Savor the time meanwhile, holding back my grief till Susana Soto Rests In Peace

__________________
my verse ---> <--- your verse

no feedback? good or bad.. doesn't matter..

__________________
my verse ---> <--- your verse