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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-06-05, 04:36 AM
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#1
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Heaven & Hell
IP: 7174 FAB2
Heaven Kaput homes for me, I die they still wouldn’t mourn me. I always have been confused, from the entire I been abused. You got to pronounce it loud, even if not happy and proud. My existence is naught, but a shadow, God I’m so shallow. My abhorrence turns to bitterness, but I stare at the winter mist. Tears continue to sad fully pour, just want to see those shores. Heavenly father show me my way, so I can live another day. Life gets better but all falls on me, and I’ve been so lonely Katrina! You were there for me, and he wasn’t you see. I questioned Gods fate, and now it has bowed to hate. But god made me and I allow god to take me, so gracefully I found her, don’t want to lose her, or forever be in shame like a loser Hell I experienced hell on earth, and it always approached to me first Losing friends was the worst, and more worst wasn’t working it out I couldn’t change or help them to change their minds, just like mines I was hurt by them kicking on me nothing but dirt and to laugh & revert Getting my feelings spat on, that made me think I wouldn’t last long You wouldn’t know what it means to not be missed, not to reminisce All it would have took was one letter, and I would have thought of you better I saw an endless inferno, so I thought to write one last time in my journal Since the day I was born I saw nothing but living hell, I thought I wasn’t well Till I knew and worshiped him, the one who died for my on going sins.
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02-06-05, 05:09 AM
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#2
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IP: A0C8 44A9
^ Word. Very good drop man. Really enjoyed this poem. Got a good feeling for this poetry I can tell. The flow was good, the message was clear and strong, and you put it across really good. Nice drop. 8/10
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02-06-05, 05:13 AM
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#3
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IP: 7174 FAB2
Yes. I'm young. I'll get better. myabe when I beat CALI I'll do the poetry League.
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02-06-05, 05:14 AM
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#4
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IP: A0C8 44A9
^ Good call. Good luck vs C.A.L.I though. He has some skills at poetry. For$aken beat him once though.
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02-06-05, 05:16 AM
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#5
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IP: 7174 FAB2
I know. I looked at Sakens poems and I said shit. He is the reason why I quit text. lol. Just to start wrinting poems.
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02-07-05, 06:01 PM
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#6
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IP: 394D 11B4
I don't wanna have to keep uppin this. Dayum.
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02-09-05, 07:23 PM
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#7
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IP: DE01 B9C9
Don't sleep damn.
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02-09-05, 11:39 PM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP: 13A4 AD49
Quote:
My abhorrence turns to bitterness, but I stare at the winter mist. Tears continue to sad fully pour, just want to see those shores. i was readin it and those lines jumped out the most~ you havea very good way of making someone see what your trying to say. the only criticism i can say is you need to truncate yur amount of wurds, because you have parts where you could have made the line shorter and more impacting if you just removed a word or two. I was hurt by them kicking on me nothing but dirt and to laugh & revert . on is completely unnecessary- nothing but could be changed to just- or perhaps... please leave feedback on my poem down the page... nobody is peeping it becuase im new.
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Only Question You Gotta Ask Yo'Self Iz..... .Will.He.Kill.You?
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02-10-05, 06:27 AM
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#9
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 7865 B198
Message was strongest aspect to your drop and you managed to express everything in a raw, emotional way. Didn't go overboard with your vocab, kept it nice and simple. Like how you divided it in2 parts, makes it easier to read. Good job...too bad this is getting slept on...
DQ
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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02-10-05, 04:29 PM
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#10
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IP: 4D7A 8956
Yeah now thanx and I'll peep ya poem and uppyn this.
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02-12-05, 02:09 AM
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#11
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IP: AA00 C8E4
uppyn this.....
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02-12-05, 05:25 AM
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#12
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 6FF2 C222
damn , you are definitly dropping some solid poems here fam.
This is dope. Laugh at whoever tells you anything else. Your first werd "kaput" what were you meanign by that? just curious cause my homies called kaput... |
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02-14-05, 06:51 PM
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#13
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IP: F77B 393C
Destroyed. Thats what it means. Like broken. I guess your homie has something destroyed in his lfe,
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02-14-05, 10:27 PM
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#14
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IP: E637 90B9
yo that was deep i was feelin that man good job
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02-15-05, 05:54 PM
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#15
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IP: 3E10 4F5B
weerd. Uppyn this.
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