to all my niggaz and bitchez who died on tha block got shot up wit a glock... got stabbed in da neck or beaten to death... this goes out to u

*growin up witout a popz who wasnt there,
a mom who didnt give a fuck or quite care,
a brother whos nickname was 'ice',
cuz he so cold he didnt think twice to take niggaz lifes,
home alone day by day
who tha fuck was there fo me when all it did was rain?,
gettin kicked out of school, detention late night,
walkin home in tha dark that shit juz anit right
im surpised some nigga anit already take away my life,
they say if u live by tha gun then thats how u gunna die,
so i guess thats how its gunna go down for me,
dayum i cant tell u how many niggaz i seen get
blown, stabbed or beaten around, seen em die,
thats why i keep a 47 by my side,
betta learn to keep ya eyez wide anit no other way to survive,

this shit is crazy im straight from tha curb
so i stay on that haze as a single lady,
hopin it'll all wash away someday maybe...
only times i feel connected and grounded is when i spit,
my brother sellin on tha block ever since i can remember it
tha only way to get tha rent in on time
and yet to tha cops it dont matter,
as soon as our pockets get fatter
they take it away as if tryin to live is a crime,

ill never forget tha day i seen Jamal die,
tha 1st time i ever put a slug in a wannabe thug nigga,
heard my own gun sang out and
rang out right into tha mutha fuckaz heart,
nobody fucks wit my niggaz and bitchez and gets away wit it
u wanna learn bout my life that anit even tha start of shit,
i must of only been 13 so soft and pure turn to bold, hard and cold,
that shit anit tha case tho
tell me how did my brother ever excape death row
damn i dont think tha sun anit ever gunna shine,

rest in peace: Jamal, Eric, Jimmy Mac, Johnny, Kim, Krista, Lyariasa... damn tha list never ends thats jus how all this bullshit begins...

im prayin to tha lord for my bitchez wit dieasez,
them grlz who stay on there kneez,
and them niggas who pack tha heat,
end up in a box,
dyin on tha block,
damn we all left in this hood to rot...


thats all i got so far...
feedback iz greatly appericated

1

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"...if u eva see a gangsta in hang cuffz
shit iz probably cuz he anit give hiz man up,
or hiz man wuznt man enuff
so he gave hiz man up..."

dats some nice shit
structure was a lil off but dats ok
nice inner rhyming

good lookin
yea i wrote it all in da hospital
so it anit really on ne keyz or nuttin

1

__________________
"...if u eva see a gangsta in hang cuffz
shit iz probably cuz he anit give hiz man up,
or hiz man wuznt man enuff
so he gave hiz man up..."

Yeah it was good, but break up the lines to make it easier to read.

__________________

^^i agree, and work on your spelling and punctuation, this was a nice dedication piece though, nice rhyme scheme, keep it up.1

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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*

LMAO spellin anit got nuttin 2 do wit rappin
if i rap it, itz soundz alot betta
shit rapperz dont gotta b good spellerz lol


1

__________________
"...if u eva see a gangsta in hang cuffz
shit iz probably cuz he anit give hiz man up,
or hiz man wuznt man enuff
so he gave hiz man up..."

yeah ma it was a good piece but u should write it in stanzas instead of by centering ur work b4 writing so u can have ur structure on point....& ur wordplay needs a lil touching up but othawise ur overall material is a 8.5/10 2 me just keep working at it & u'll get betta at it

same thing as a_m_h

it was a lil hard to read but mad good when i finally undastood it lol

damn girl u got some mad talent, but uhm damn lol once i realized wat da words were is when i started to feel ya n shit lol........good emotion n structure was on point thru half of it.....keep it up...1