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Old 04-10-05, 06:03 PM   #1
Effect
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behind your back

IP: 8DC7 0361

these times are really hard i feel broken hearted
this girls driving me mad and my soul has departed
where do I go i never thought this would blow
i thought we were to be but ya left me you hoe
and cheated for another guy why did ya lie
everything you say you always try to denie
i wish u were mine but love is always blind
they make ya lose ya mind every single time
the pain has taken over our relation ship has gone
you've ended everything now n it not me who was wrong
i try to say strong put your words have given me feelings
i feel so bad without you and thinkin about all the things
we've got to no each other you was my only lover
the only one that trusted so why am i now to suffer
do you even realise the damage u've done wid ya lies
its no really surprize dat you were interested in other guys
i guess thats what females do everyone always fails you
the stress is gettin to me and girls wanna sell you
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Old 04-10-05, 06:09 PM   #2
Costo
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This was basic, but I saw where you were going with this. You seemed like you just threw together a few rhyming words though, like ...
and cheated for another guy why did ya lie
everything you say you always try to denie
That don't make sense, it should be "everything I say" not "everything you say you always try to denie"
Flow was quite good.
Vocabulary was average.
Overall= 6/10.
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Old 04-12-05, 05:33 AM   #3
~Sundance Kid~
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Hey bro well this peice was good but it seem flat. When i read it, I want to be able to see a personility in your writting. If it my be jokes, or creative atmosphore. You had ok vocab in this peice so next time try to find new and bigger words to play with. You do a good job with staying on topic and structure. keep up the good work.
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