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Old 04-24-05, 02:01 AM   #1
NarKotic
New to RV
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Pittsburgh
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
1st drop Looking for some honest feedback

IP: AE1A F0B8

Yo Its not hard for me to speak openly/
About how i dont want know one to notice me/
Because of all the dirt I did locally/
So I distance myself socially/
And lash out towards the people who are close to me/
And society wants me to shut up and kiss ass,
because thats how your suppose to be/
But these acts of sin are all over me/
I yell to quit, but the grip keeps choking me/
And its hard to resist the persistence,
of the devil who keeps poking me/
Im just sick of chalking up loses/
And being glared at like a freak,
because Im following crosses/
An all the whispers are constant/
Behind my back about the fact that the blood my sins were bought with,
was just my fantasy/But how can it be/
when nothing in my life has stopped or ever damaged me/
Look, sometimes Im a dick even when I dont try to be/
But its the devil on the right side of me/
who lies to me/who's constantly trying me/
Attacking my weaknesses, while bribing me---with riches/
which is/
sometimes more comical then seeing all the jocks from high school,
all turned into little bitches/
But my flow is more disturbing then getting hexed by six eastwick witches/
And having visions, of me hanging myself in my girlfriends kitchen/
cause i could no longer handle the anger that fuelled my rage,
like a high powered piston/
Sometimes the rhymes I write make no sense to me,
like a homosexual christian/
sometimes i just want to get out of the grips of the fists that Im clinched in/
So I act up, and throw hysterical fits of canipshin/
And I never see the pain in which Im enflicting, upon myself/
whenever my life stability starts slipping/
And my folks start tripping/
And my girl starts bitchen/
About the fucked up decisions, of sins Im commiting/
Like my rhymes no good, because of all the cuss words that Im spitting/
And the details that Im skipping/
But the skills that Im kicken, get no props,
Like a fat ugly girl stripping..............

Last edited by NarKotic : 04-24-05 at 02:08 AM.
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Old 04-24-05, 03:51 AM   #2
¤ÐÅž¤
leave you rest'n pz's
 
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Posts: 4,321
Joined: Sep 2004
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Text Record: 22-7
IP: 0CC4 EFEF

WORK ON LEVELIN OUT YAS LINES.........
lose the ///////// its wack n not needed........
makes you look newbish in my opinion.........
verse wasx hmmmmm average......
pz, stay up n keep cypherin....
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my advice is to go to the cypher forum n pop off there cuz you aint
on the level yet, keep at it n you will be, just keep praticing on the cyphers
__________________
i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts
what the fuck, was you high..?
did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made
then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...!
.
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fake fucks..move on...!
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Old 04-24-05, 11:04 AM   #3
Kirk
Peace, Love, Unity
 
Posts: 5,455
Joined: Jan 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 23-0
IP: AB23 98FF

For you first drop it was decent and same thing as DAZ said... Keep the whole ////// off the end of your lines because its pretty herbish.. it sounds like it would be good on audio though, and i like the multiples thrown in there... overall it was decent except the structure was fucked in the A....
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88 miles per hour should do it.
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