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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-13-05, 09:40 PM
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#1
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The Demon Inside
IP: 3881 400B
Link: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2148982
The Demon Inside Harmless, a fuzzy play thing in the eyes of a child, Unaware that his precious teddy bear gone vile, Waking up each morning, gazing upon a smile, Tucked in tight feeling secure, not a care in his life, Music’s in the background, quietly playing a fife, Glittering marble eyes hypnotizing his thoughts, There is no danger, all fears are beginning to rot, Protected by materials, snug in his bedroom, Not realizing that his beloved bear would bring doom, Half asleep, as everything darkens in sight, The image of teddy, quickly fading away from the light, His cotton stuffed body is moving away from his gut, His has begun slumber, as his eyes ceil shut... Teddy sticks to the wall with his circular hands, His eyes are albino, glaring with a demand, Arachnid like crawling all over the darkening ceiling, The child is bawling, creating a new feeling, Evil stricken, terrorized by a once loved little bear, Teddy pounces at him, raging without a care, The child is scared, ripping off both of its arms, Blood filled cotton is pouring out, striking mental alarms, The stuffed evil jumps back staring upon torn parts, You can see the blackness in its thorn heart, Its internally bleeding, blood leaks through its chest, Thrashing everything, wailing with distress, Slouching against the wall, tears fall from his eyes, Weeping uncontrollably, forever it cries, Its head is slowly rising, bruised and battered, Its soul is empty, its heart has been shattered... The boy awakes from this realizing it was a dream, Everything was completely all right as it seemed, Woken up sweaty, wiping himself from the heat, But freezes when he sees the blood on his sheets.
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i'm bored. Last edited by EleGiaC : 05-13-05 at 10:00 PM. |
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05-13-05, 10:05 PM
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#2
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Sam Dope
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IP: AD23 BDD5
LMFAO...Very creative...I hide my weed in my teddy bear...But forreal, you did a good job with a humorous topic man...Good emotion and imagery...
pz |
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05-14-05, 12:08 AM
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#3
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
This was a nice drop , i was really feelin it
This was very creative, nice wordplay nad vocab usage.. Structure was good , second verses structure was alittle shacky You had nice Emotions and good feeling going into your peice.. Nice imagery , and good Topic , you stayed on task nice concept , good drop keep it up!
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The Competition
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05-14-05, 12:26 AM
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#4
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Metropolis
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IP: B52C 6258
kind of a weird drop in my opinion, but i guess that makes it creative lol. u had some real good imagery in there so i knew what was goin on most of the time. n some of those bars was funny too. good structure, flow, and vocab. i give it an 8.5/10, keep doin ya thing.
return the favor LiNKS ARE in the SIG holla at me....1.. |
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05-14-05, 10:26 AM
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#5
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IP: 3881 400B
Thanks for the feed uppin for more.
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i'm bored. |
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05-14-05, 11:10 AM
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#6
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B.I.G.
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IP: 7D8B DD8E
nice creativity but is too much demon shit between ya'll, vocab up man..... 8/10
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 Bizzacckkk |
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05-14-05, 12:27 PM
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#7
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Peace, Love, Unity
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IP: AB23 98FF
Hahahahahahahaha
That was fuckin dope. Seems like something me and my friends would take about. But it was good. Nice structure, good vocab., and what not. Kept me reading because the whole idea of a teddy bear about to kill someone makes me laugh. But it was a decent drop. Good way to tell the story too. 7/10
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 88 miles per hour should do it. |
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05-14-05, 06:28 PM
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#8
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IP: 3881 400B
Thanks uppin for more feed
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i'm bored. |
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05-15-05, 08:24 PM
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#9
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IP: 3881 400B
feed................
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i'm bored. |
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05-15-05, 09:28 PM
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#10
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New to RV
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IP: 0458 97C6
Lol some one was high when they wrote this. But seriously it was good. creative, weird but entertaining subject. Good job painting the picture of the bear attacking. You had a good structure but pretty simple. not too many multis. And just because of what it's about I wouldn't read it more than once or twice. but I did get a laugh out if it. 5.5/10
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