did this piece for my poetry battle this week. lemme kno wut yall think about it....


Reflecting upon the evolution of myself as well as my fellow man, woman and child
Envisioning the day adults and kids can coagulate n cohesion w/o becomming riled

Trying to grasp the non-comprehensive sense of infallibility in human sentiment
Praying to Apollo to do something about the unbalanced level in our temperament

Everyday fighting this overwhelming frustration and growing sense of indignation
Looking forward to my ratification to recieve from all of this, my vindication

So as not to be concerned any longer with the common non-chalant disposition
Unity between unkown yet equal divisions seems like a reasonable proposition

To slowly yet surely correct the increasing degree of robust cognition
But who would be so bold enough to step up and make that volition?

No longer giving up your child at birth cuz you're a crack fiend
Or sub-consciously thinking you're 2 good for jail so you flee a crime scene

Enough with the degrading comments towards the gothic kid in a trench coat
Why not help a less fortunate soul keep their hopes and dreams afloat?

If only we as a people could beome level headed and grasp the concept of coalition
So again I ask, WHO IS BOLD ENOUGH TO STEP UP AND MAKE THAT VOLITION?

Meh Ok piece. The structure of is not good. The angle you approach wasn't good either. Then concept was ok, i see where your getting at, but it's kinda played to me. The vocab was good. The flow was ok, just don’t stretch your lines that much. The complex wasn't good. It still seems (in my eyes) basic. Just keep writing.


Return a feedback on my (vv) new OM "Silent Scream"

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=191237

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