Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
05-27-05, 07:05 PM | #1 | ||||||
New to RV
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You.
IP: B25F 477A
I want to be your one, anything I'd do for you.
Inscribing your name of the sun, would be done. Your face glow's w/ radiciance, heat's emotion. Golden hair bounce's & wave's, as if it were the ocean. When your day is done, another episode of truth prevail's. Gift's shone on you in the format of word's, then action's entail. Spirit's running high, & being taken in & coming through in voice. Shooting look's of glee, & locking arm's with joy. I'm a chest full of w/ever you want, & I can be your toy. My emotion's rise up, dispense what I feel then cascade. Because, you make my heart yearn. & make everything else evade. Keyed. |
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05-29-05, 02:58 AM | #2 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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IP: 3240 794D
o.k your imagery is horrible here you need to describe things better thats the purpose of poetry and what makes people fall in love with it.you fail to do that.on the other hand you have decent vocab and emotion is o.k as well which is good cuz you have what alot of new poets lack badly this was decent in those aspects but the lack of imagery killed it and made it weak work on that and you will elevate.........
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Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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