yo, this is my first open mic.. lemme know what yall think

people need to wake up and realize the situation theyre placed in
but it takes them too long to face it, and addictions overtake them
why is it hard to see that obviously the lottery is smarter than we
theres kids starvin at 3, play the lottery, how hard could it be
we put the fate of our life in the numbers
but isnt it sumthin when the numbers overcome us
we go through our lives and as we feed into addiction
we're still findin it hard to be feedin our children
as a matter of fact this shit isnt even our fault
the government kicks us down and loves to see when we fall
they imprison us and make money off us while we're up in the penn
but then they're there to pick us up, and help us again
government assistance, people consider great for the nation
but they dont realize that the nation is only tryin to rape them
cuz the money they feed into social assistance
is only given back to them, through hopeless addiction
high taxes on cigarettes, theyre addictive and steep pricing wont stop it
tell the truth, all you capatilist bastards care about is a profit
its like a revolving door, the system spins us in circles
but then the door stops suddenly, and the results are so hurtful

theres some shit i did feedback on:
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2229171
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2229174

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anyone?.........

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it has some real issues in it...you spat good knowledge to some degree
Some lines were debateable, overall it's an aight drop, i felt you anger!
and thats about it, flow a bit monotone, try using some mutlis, deUce

(return the favour on my: Hip Hop College open mic)

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thanx for the feed man.. and i just left feed on that

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yeah i realize...propz

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Word, Nice Piece it was a good read, it flowed nice, could be a little more complicated but nice piece for your first.. Keep Dropping..

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fuck you

[

thnks for the feed man.. uppin

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werd my spicca, sum nice multies n shit, u alredy know werd

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R.I.P. EAZY-E

werd..uppin............

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uppin once again..

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flow was good, the thoughts were original and easy to connect to, it was enjoyable to read, and multis are straight. Try to up the complexity of the wordplay and metas, vocab was decent. Other than that, try to avoid using the samee word so closely together (i.e. "why is it hard to see that obviously the lottery is smarter than we
theres kids starvin at 3, play the lottery, how hard could it be") and try rephrasing some of your thoughts like "but they dont realize that the nation is only tryin to rape them" i understand that your getting at they are forcing us to give up our money, but a better phrase can be used than rape. It's played a lot, too. Overall, I thought you did a good job. I would rate it a 6/10.

Please return the favor, i have the ones in my sig and a new one titled "untitled (soon to be audio)" thank you and i hope i was helpful.

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Repping The Establishment

Rhymes
Story of a Statistic
My Dream

audio
soundclick

Art
Surreal Bird Sketch