This forest forced us into remorse,
We planted seeds to continually harvest loss,
Held down still by perpetually following gravities laws,
We stand upright to carry out a cause,
But can't shake the dust from the wilted past...
Because fear has us chemically binded to die out fast...
See this wasn't our idea or was it?
Subliminally, synapses were altered..
Remove the cloth covers from your body..
Reach out and empathize with somebody..
Stand upright, move along the path..
That has shape shifted us throughout time..
Mother earth knows her math..how high will we have to climb?
For we judge in matters of taste, "ab aeterno"(since the beginning of time)

__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*

no ma, ur not a bad mod, anyway heres what i think.

This forest forced us into remorse,
^^^nice opener. this practically tells the whole story. very nice.

We planted seeds to continually harvest loss,
^^^this line backed up what the first line is basically sayin, which really stood out.

Held down still by perpetually following gravities laws,
We stand upright to carry out a cause,
^^^nice, good emotion, not to hard on wordplay but this has some nice emotion.

But can't shake the dust from the wilted past...
Because fear has us chemically binded to die out fast...
See this wasn't our idea or was it?
Subliminally, synapses were altered..
^^^im liking the great symbolism in this, great emotion, really pulling me into the story. thats a good sign.

Remove the cloth covers from your body..
Reach out and empathize with somebody..
^^^great lines. not to the point were im like WHOA, but this was a good line.

Stand upright, move along the path..
That has shape shifted us throughout time..
Mother earth knows her math..how high will we have to climb?
For we judge in matters of taste, "ab aeterno"(since the beginning of time)
^^^i like this the best of the poem. i like the little qoute at the bottom. very deep. shows good emotion.

__________________

MURDER WAS THE CASE

MURDER WAS THE CASE

i liked this one a lot. vocab was definately on point and it was phrased beautifully. I like how you used metaphors throughout the poem, especially the tree one. i think it was very well written overall.

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Repping The Establishment

Rhymes
Story of a Statistic
My Dream

audio
soundclick

Art
Surreal Bird Sketch

thank you both very much...i appreciate the feedback.1

__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*