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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
07-22-05, 08:54 AM
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#1
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NO SURRENDER
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Fight Night
IP: 02AA FD70
..The time has finally come with one adrenaline rush..
..Weeks of gruelling training, all for this final push.. ..If i win i will finally gain some deserved respect.. ..And can feed my family from the resulting paycheck.. ..4 hours prior, the tension is rising, emotions are flying.. ..This isnt sport, fuck pity the loser can end up dying.. ..8 months training for this one fight to get the win.. ..Suspense imminent, the nervous flood of thoughts begin.. ..What if i lose, my children must fend for themselves.. ..I cant help them out, just look down from higher realms.. ..Crowds distant chants indicate the next bout is mine.. ..Pray one last time and hope everything works out fine.. ..I enter the ring and look my opponent up and down.. ..It must be the adrenaline, his arms seem to have grown.. ..His presence is monsterous, what chance have i got.. ..I can hit him, he hits me, who you think will drop.. ..My morale is lowered i am noway stable to fight.. ..My family cheer me on, i wont dissapoint them tonight.. ..I choose to fight, possibly the last decision i will make.. ..This should never happen, never put my family at stake.. ..This isnt about power, its deeper, the ultimate test.. ..With one final praer i tie my gloves and hope for the best..
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07-22-05, 09:02 AM
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#2
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NO SURRENDER
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IP: 02AA FD70
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07-22-05, 09:54 AM
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#3
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Flyweight
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IP: 9A74 ABE3
nice imagery, i like how the story is portrayed. vocabulary seemed a little bland. thats the only thing i think you have to elevate on, your emotion is good. keep it up..
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lmao @ me..
..being better than you. current battles
damn. kids really don't get anything these days.
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07-22-05, 11:45 AM
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#4
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
This was a pretty good drop...nice job daubs..imaggery was very good..and wordplay and vocab were pretty simple but it was an overall good peice..
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The Competition
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07-22-05, 01:19 PM
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#5
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+...Femin-iLL...+
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IP: 6E69 7B24
solid..solid.....good vocab..yu dont wanna get too flashy with it..on this type of topic..since yu didnt get into detail with the fighting......yu good with story telling, mayne
..With one final praer i tie my gloves and hope for the best.. ^yu gonna write a sequel?....or can i write it?..... str8 job fam....i enjoyed reading this...
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..:: Artik In The Phlesh::.. .Re-Writing The Re-Run.  |
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07-22-05, 01:20 PM
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#6
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NO SURRENDER
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IP: 02AA FD70
You can write one ma...............
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07-22-05, 04:56 PM
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#7
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NO SURRENDER
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IP: 02AA FD70
Thanks for feed, up.........................
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07-22-05, 04:58 PM
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#8
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Above Originality
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IP: D40E 67D5
ayo man it was a hot drop homie was ill wordplay structure mayne everythng mayne was good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RTF on my shit homie my links are on the bottom of my sig?!peace
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-29-05, 05:36 PM
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#9
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NO SURRENDER
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IP: 828D 0B7A
Returned...........
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07-29-05, 06:12 PM
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#11
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
yeah daubs good stuff, do u box? imagery and emotion were the strongest aspects of this piece, n i like the way the endings a cliff hanger, i think this is the first OM i've read from u!
 RTF on either thnx
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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07-29-05, 06:15 PM
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#12
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NO SURRENDER
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IP: 828D 0B7A
I will do, and yeah i do...amatuer.
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07-29-05, 06:23 PM
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#13
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 6618 2DB7
hey yo this was nice....good imagery and vocab...i really enjoyed reading this one....9/10....RTF to the links in my sig Daubs........
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07-29-05, 07:49 PM
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#14
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QU3 M! D3$T!NO 3$ M! UN!CO 3N3M!GO
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IP: 00A2 4ED0
It was a good short drop...intertaining, good, multies nice imageries i would give this piece a 8/10...
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07-30-05, 01:48 AM
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#15
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New to RV
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IP: B237 8498
This started off pretty hurt-sack. The first verse gave me the impression this would be wack as shit, but you did a great job pulling it together.
-Excellent structure and syllable count in the piece, really made it flow smooth. -More multies and internals would have been plenty beneficial. -Great use of emotion, decent imagery. -Great finishing line, closed off the piece beautifully. -Fix up the first couple bars and this will help the piece along greatly Word. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202243
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My Consent?  Living Legends.
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