http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2549896
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2549899


i reside in the worn hands of destiny my life was inscribed
inside its lifeline running from the heel of those hands
to the first breath of me..
oh so spiritual running various lyrical rugged roads the streets that help
mold me..when u open the palms of Destiny u should see a M
which stands for miracle
turned that same hand over and follow the follicles
to the root and maybe u will find the power that powered
those fingers to sculpt a being so powerful that once
decease his soul still lingers
neva to exceed the tips of those fingers eternally
following a ripple of circles u know mistakes and hurdles
until one day that hand was angered and balled a fist
in its fury
giving my life a twist finger tips pressed
against my black skin like symphonys of a GRAND jury
feel the cold steel grips drip death concealed in
confinement behind bars
apart of me died instantly like jesters that defied Czars
though i was trapped as a fur coat or expensive rug
the pictures i took in from scriptures left me as free
as the butterfly on Jayceon Taylors Mug
left the cells pressence but kept the essence
i was a institutionalized guy but one thing
couldnt hide knowlege from me in a book ur best bet
was to hide the book from me
cuz if u gave me one read id catch the message
though a lost soul i found my worth by reading how
my ancestors were sold
imagined shackles on my wrist and whips tightly held
by a fist swinging whamm..whamm..damn the whelps on my soul
still i walk with a grimace from 400 hundred years ago
but i blame no one for my shortcomings and pains
except the man in the mirror yo
now i have a seed that resembles me so when she looks
in the mirror will she see the wrong i done
will she die young cuz i wanted to live older
will the smoke of my sins smother her lungs
if i died for her to live will that cover the cost
if so drive a stake through my palms on a rugged cross
and let the pain bleed from Destiny

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Where Im From! Cabrini Green!

uppin.......................

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Where Im From! Cabrini Green!

ok your flow is horrible on this and if its a poem you need to seriously work on syllabel count.vocab was o.k also here.your imagery was good but felt forced in some areas due to your very streched lines which had many more words then were basically needed here.overall it was a o.k piece.i personally think you should rewrite it and drop again due to the fact is does have potential to it.
please check out one of my open mics and leave some feed.

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This was more of a poem than an actual rap song. The flow was way off since half of the poem didn't rhyme. I kept reading to find the interesting part of the part of the actually beginning, but i never found it. You had good vocab in it, but the whole concept should have been thought out better.