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Old 12-10-05, 10:45 AM   #1
Dervla
Poet's Daughter.
 
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Alright this was good. I liked the imaginary and the approach you took on the Topic an dthe Emotion was def there, I felt it. I hope she likes this when you give it to her. What I found interesting was your metaphors, that's what kep tme interesting and kept me reading your verse. My fav was....


I would give you the stars and wolves, to sparkle in the sky,
So that when you go out, you always remember that one guy
Who tried to give you the best he had, but still fell short
Of what you deserve, but I will always be your escort.
Lead you to heaven’s gates so you know your beauty,
To find someone so nice and true happens so rarely.
Such a shame in life, that all aren’t so confident like us,
But maybe together we can change lives, be their witness.
I barely know you, yet I feel like I’ve known for so long,
But before I know it my life will be over, and you will be gone.
That’s why I wish to spend so much of my time with you,
Cuz I know one day it must end, but I know I can trust you,
And you can trust me to keep the promises I make to you,
But now I must conclude this song, but take these words with you.
I love you.

Damn I just love that part so vivid portrait and fill with decent Emotions.

OVERALL keep writing, nice drop.
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