Cracked Smile

I’m ashamed to call you my brother
The way you pained our Mother
Her thoughts always running deep
When its in a cell you lay asleep
He’s safe and warm, but his mind’s torn
Mum wanted better, for her first born

He gets out clean, but soon goes back
Can’t last a few days without his crack
The cycle continues for a few years
Now his disown by his own true pears

He was my hero always was there
I was living in London without no fear
Our childhood was happy had no care
Now he’s a burdened we have to bear

I love my brother dearly I want him back
But I can’t see past a smile that’s always cracked

Keystyle: don't hate I know it's shit but I needed to get it off my
chest.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=221744

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222170

nice, could have been longer and gone more into detail with deeper imagery than that, but i like it.....try to make your lines hold something your reader can picture.....rtf in my withering hopes OM

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The structure in this was fairly sound... there are a few mispells... but I could tell what you wanted to say... this was very emotional... could really feel what you were conveying... however this didn't really flow... and the vocab selection coulda been a lot more diverse... other than that good piece... keep doing what you do...

If you have the time check out S.tylez O.f B.eyond

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Critic this was a cool drop, not liek the ones you used to drop, but this was acool. Th eemotion was cool, I could feel it, and your imaginary was alright, go into more details and develop the story better like avlon said, develop the story, not JUST the Topic. Other than that, this was a cool drop, keep writing.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

I like this..

It was short and sweet and got the message across. Dope piece Critic. The imagery could have been upped a bit but other than that it was ill.

Keep at er me man..

- Soul Rebel