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02-16-06, 08:37 PM | #1 | ||||
Flyweight
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Lady Lyrical - Dear God
IP: 3450 F354
Dear god
open to all comments........ jus say y u hated it or liked it and improvementz......ty [Verse 1] If I still wrote this letter, would you take it from my heart My emotions keep on growin an I don’t no where to start Been involved in many sins, and my life jus falls apart But im healed-by, work-of-nature and entrusted to your art Out-of heart-I still repent and, try to make things right Can’t figure were I’m goin, could you maybe shed some light? Maybe an insight, so I know which lane to follow Final-chance to make this right,coz we don’t always have tommorow Coz life is hollow, once your in-ther, aint know tur-nin bak Enjoined to-a-path of religion, with the heavens con-tract An when it seems that the world tends to get the best of you Need to make that one-step-bak to-get-that, best point of view The bigger picture, were im goin an-were i went wrong This 'tape'-jus-carries-on , but this aint for long So i prolong, repentance - coz-god-is-always there with-me Kept me livvin thru the ruff tyms, from dangers, wen it hid me Why cant we spend-time, jus-to-see-what-god-has-blessed-us-with Insted of,make-up lies, jus-to-believe-wht-god-has-stressed-us-with They say, All worldy sufferings , wer-really god in-clined Yet half-of-them cause the pain with ther freedom-thinkin-mind Wars raged on the innocent , ''we dont need no blood for oil'' Cor-uppted by the secret-lies that hide in turmoil This term 'oil', seems to be, what only fuels the fire Casualties of suffering, makin death-tolls race higher Have you ever witnessed what-went-on, in guantanimo bay? Payin the price for bein muslims, why do sufferers pay In 'blood money', the thug money from CIA, exposin-us-crack Till we becum, mentally addicted, short-of-money,to-pay-em-bak Never endin struggles got me waitin till the end of time With fear inside I cannot hide, no wonder why i wrote this rhyme [Hook] Do-you, not see all the miracles , in which you livvin in From the startin of a cell to flesh-bone, teeth and skin And how the heavens canopies are easily raised-up high And how the heaviest of white clouds, still float in the sky How the weather constantly changes, 4 seasons at a time And the ability to witness this all, with the hu-man mind So tell me why were ungrateful and wer wage-in, all wars With other humans jus like us, who are down-on-all-fours In prayer, coz the next life is, were real livvin begins A chance in life to win, and free all sinful souls of sin [Chorus] I dont intend to use this rhyme, for the lime-light Was-ted by fake people, that dont-even rhyme- right Take the spot light, Coz there talking about cream Insted of thinkin real, struggles-of-a hu-man bein This world feels like plagerism, cos we copyin other styles Fake role models in society, who reach out crowds in miles The truth dont wanna be heard, led like herds of sheep To early death, when time is set , your - six feet deep You made the most of this world, only just to pre-tend But the time is with yor lord-now…what will you say then? [Verse 2] Forever does life’s wound blemish, Cities diminished at our feet Each nation topples continuously, hatred preached on the street Constant lies just escalate, till there’s, no-room for truth to lead The children society breeds, lost in pain and lost in grief From media ties that show us lies to lead us to this beef Of racial hatred, that’s what fate-did, leedin-us, 6 feet deep Each major dynasty-lost beneath the golden sands of time As I pour my heart with these scriptures, that influence my rhyme For all my sisters out there, bein tortured in distant prisons Im feelin your pain aswell coz only we can share these visions Imprisoned for no-just-cause, payin , blood-taxes to the rich Snitched by leaders they trusted, only turned out, hypocrite This worlds a game of chess be sure you, make the right moves Or its check mate on your fate, be sure your careful wen u choose Every war-revolution-crusade, was fully planned for purpose reason To take from the poor and feed the rich with $$$$ that is displeasing When life jus turns to swallow us up, we always face our lord To ask for more, reminisce on before; yet-repent, when we are board Coz life has stolen our attention, keeping us busy all the time From young to old we grow alone, and never look behind This game is messed up, rappers is constantly talking the same Things with empty less meaning, yet there cheerin on his name The ones who preach with truth and skill, to give it what it takes Are over ridden by gimmicks coz all-the, company want is fakes Portraying the usual delusions of-only, drugs, violence and sex Corruptin the mind of millions who-lose their dignity and respect Regardless of who we are, were-all, suffer-ring the same Asian, white or black were still, suffer-ring this pain Its time we stay awake and realise, life don’t last that long So take these words with meanin, don’t jus see this as a song [Hook] Do-you, not see all the miracles , in which you livvin in From the startin of a cell to flesh-bone, teeth and skin And how the heavens canopies are easily raised-up high And how the heaviest of white clouds, still float in the sky How the weather constantly changes, 4 seasons at a time And the ability to witness this all, with the hu-man mind So tell me why were ungrateful and wer wage-in all wars With other humans jus like us, who are down-on-all-fours In prayer, coz the next life’s , were real livvin begins A chance to win, and free all sinful souls of sin [Chorus] I dont intend to use this rhyme, for the lime-light Was-ted by fake people, that dont-even rhyme- right Take the spot light, Coz there talking about cream Insted of thinkin real, struggles-of-a hu-man bein This world feels like plagerism, cos we copyin other styles Fake role models in society, who reach out crowds in miles The truth dont wanna be heard, led like herds of sheep To early death, when time is set , your - six feet deep You made the most of this world, only just to pre-tend But the time is with yor lord-now…what will you say then? Last edited by LADY_LYRICAL : 02-17-06 at 03:55 PM. |
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02-16-06, 08:38 PM | #2 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 3450 F354
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02-16-06, 08:49 PM | #3 | ||||
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IP: 31C2 62EB
That isnt very good feedback leave better feedback next time but yeah ill still give you feedback
this was a pretty decent drop coming from a new comer i was really feeling the emotions and feeling that was going on.. the structure was also good but to me the style sorta changed in verse 2 =/ ,but yeah it was a pretty good overall drop next time try and shorten your bars..and get your thought across to the reader using the least amount of words.
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The Competition
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02-17-06, 10:04 AM | #4 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 3450 F354
tnx for feed most appriciated,,,lool yer ill leave better feed nex tym
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02-18-06, 11:35 AM | #5 | |||||
Not_Indeph
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IP: 916F 7397
Ok let's see..
I think this drop had it's on and offs, but It was enjoyable. The opening line kind of got to me cause I wonder that sometimes too. On some of the lines the rhyme scheme would be really basic. Like 'blessed us with, stressed us with' could of used a more complex form of rhyming, but it was coo. Overall it was nice to see you dropping something spiritual, and the flow in this was good from what I read. Good job and shit. |
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02-18-06, 02:37 PM | #6 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 3450 F354
ty bro..... yer i rushed this piece coz my original lines,,,,got destroyed so i lost the verses,,,an had to re-write the whole thin
.......came out rushed |
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02-28-06, 12:41 PM | #7 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: 215F 8CED
*walks in* hmmmm
yeah the was pretty good... consistant flow... smooth multies... nothing really forced... Lyricallly on point... and a great structure through oiyt... I could really see this being spit, and was saying it in my head the entire way thorugh... I think the hook, & chorus are a bit long though... and won't fit an actual beat unless it's taylored to the song... Seeing as how the verses are both over 16 bars... and most hook slots on a beat are taylored to 4 - 8 bars...
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\....../ \..../ \../ A.I. Spilled Inc. |
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03-04-06, 09:53 PM | #8 | ||||
Flyweight
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sfe
IP: 3450 F354
kul ,ty again,,,,, detailed feedbakz most appriciated,,,
.......needin mor feed |
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03-06-06, 10:49 AM | #9 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 297A EE7B
what i diddnt like was some of the basic rhymes...
some words seemed like filler just to complete the line.. which is ok.. but not too much of it i guess what i thought was good is the flow and the emotion you put into the verse.. could maybe do with more wordpolays and mettas pz1 |
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