thanks for the feedback homie................

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Dam Tech that was dope !!

Vocab and complexity was just hectic, had to back track a few times just to
understand but it's all good.

Flowed nice can't really fault this verse at all really nice drop Tech.

Stay up

1~

thanks homie......yo peeps go nominate on the hall of fame peeps. no one's voting and we drop om's to get recognized so go vote for your choices

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uppin for more feed............................

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pretty dope drop man id give it 8/10
this piece was strong in everythin multies, flow, vocab, structure

thanks a lot for the feedback............

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I dunno, to me the content didn't flow well to me. I mean, yes, you had very nice content in itself and good meaning but it seemed like every line was its own part rather then having all the lines supporting a larger meaning you know? It's weird, it just kind of felt like you tried REALLY hard to write this... Which may or may not be the case but either way thats how I kind of recieved this. Also with the vocab, while it was very nice and you obviously have a wide range of vocabulary, again... It just kind felt forced to me like insted of thinking and just writing you really sat down and thought everything out to the extreme which doesnt bother some people, but being as I write poetry the feeling of authenticity and real emotion is really important to me. Lines like:

Shadows Dwell In My Vaines As My Eyelids Close To A Fade
Supposed To Be Brave But Lonelyless Brings Me Close In A Grave

While the content in itself is actually very strong it just sounds very awkward to me. You used alot of pausing and interjectory words that slowed down the pace of the line as a coma or "..." would do. I dunno, if you did it maybe like:

Shadows dwell along cold veins
as wide eyes die to a fade.
I'm just trying to stay brave;
loneliness leading way to the grave.

I dunno, that's super fast and just my personal prefferance and style. But to me it just flows and the pace of the piece is then sped up, and everything works for the good of the whole piece rather then individual lines. Also the structuring with the all first letter caps is annoying... Lol, I used to write that saaaaaaaaame exact way to so I know why it's apealing to you now but trust no one else really apreciates it as you do. For readers its more of a burden than anything else. Lastly, try and use propper punctuation to help guide the reader so that in their heads it can be read as it's supposed to sound if it were to be said by you, you know? So ya, overall its a nice piece and I respect it for what it is but I see alot of potential in you so I felt the need to really pick this apart for the good of you. Stay up man and I'm looking forward to seeing what comes out of you later.