broken so far down i surpased myself in hell.
trip and fell, over a 9mm barrel shell.
how can u tell when ur life has gone to the shits.
maybe when u dropin none stop, but none of them r hits.
it fits, and its wierd how karma loves to put u down.
u do somethin good for a change and get put underground.
i found out that the harder u try the more u get pulled in.
like quick sand when u strugle, my hits are broken records on a spin.
no one listens, and dont give the time to pay attention.
maybe cus i have no emotion in a broken home of no effection.
listening to a dad that doesnt give a fuck about wut i do.
i could shoot myself and he wouldnt know my life was threw.
so wut can i do, nuttin but pick up my luigi board and connect.
try to contact my mom and grandpa for information that effects.
its wierd how u live a life of gold, and it goes up in a puff of smoke.
i choked when i heard mom died, thinking it was a joke.
but it wasnt, a reality i didnt want to know that was true.
and just a few months earlier my grandpa's life was threw.
at a young age i was broken but until now telling u my story.
and the road i continue to brag about, the one that leads to glory.
its a future im not sure ill be able to make a part of my history.
im not sure i can pass my Genes down in this twisted mistery.
its just a thought or a dream that might come true.
like seeing the future and watchin' it turn into dashavu (see the future in sleep)
wut to do, wut to do, in a reality gone crooked off its axle.
since i was born life to me has been my only real hastle.
my emotions i get from people that bring hate to my face.
and i just stare them down instead of disinagrating a disgrace.
i turn around with a frown, knowin one day everyone will be dead.
there thoughts in my head as i stare at the moon and stars instead.
im the kinda kid that will let u bully him to a certin point in his mind.
the kinda kid that wont care till he is over the limit with a nine.
in this grind i explain all the shit i feel at this very moment.
i used to talk back at the world thinking that i own it.
but i was told different when i lost half of my family.
now i walk the earth and i dont care wuts happens to me.
u see, when u lose wut u love u lose the will to move on.
when u stare at me, u stare at a kid that has been long gone.
lost of existince, lost from the population of the earth.
ive been dead for 16 years...... lets just say since birth.


will drop links 2morrow or a lil later.

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

Better.

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http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2742489
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=227884

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

broken so far down i surpased myself in hell.
trip and fell, over a 9mm barrel shell.
how can u tell when ur life has gone to the shits.
maybe when u dropin none stop, but none of them r hits.
****Nice**** all of it,.....

it fits, and its wierd how karma loves to put u down.
u do somethin good for a change and get put underground.
i found out that the harder u try the more u get pulled in.
like quick sand when u strugle, my hits are broken records on a spin
****Nice*** again !!!

no one listens, and dont give the time to pay attention.
maybe cus i have no emotion in a broken home of no effection.
listening to a dad that doesnt give a fuck about wut i do.
i could shoot myself and he wouldnt know my life was threw.
****Same as above****

so wut can i do, nuttin but pick up my luigi board and connect.
try to contact my mom and grandpa for information that effects.
its wierd how u live a life of gold, and it goes up in a puff of smoke.
i choked when i heard mom died, thinking it was a joke.
***dam nice***

but it wasnt, a reality i didnt want to know that was true.
and just a few months earlier my grandpa's life was threw.
at a young age i was broken but until now telling u my story.
and the road i continue to brag about, the one that leads to glory
***Nice but up your vocab***

its a future im not sure ill be able to make a part of my history.
im not sure i can pass my Genes down in this twisted mistery.
its just a thought or a dream that might come true.
like seeing the future and watchin' it turn into dashavu
****Nice***

wut to do, wut to do, in a reality gone crooked off its axle.
since i was born life to me has been my only real hastle.
my emotions i get from people that bring hate to my face.
and i just stare them down instead of disinagrating a disgrace
***Nice few bars***

i turn around with a frown, knowin one day everyone will be dead.
there thoughts in my head as i stare at the moon and stars instead.
im the kinda kid that will let u bully him to a certin point in his mind.
the kinda kid that wont care till he is over the limit with a nine.
*** Dam deep emotions ****

in this grind i explain all the shit i feel at this very moment.
i used to talk back at the world thinking that i own it.
but i was told different when i lost half of my family.
now i walk the earth and i dont care wuts happens to me.
***Nice but again work on the vocab fams***

u see, when u lose wut u love u lose the will to move on.
when u stare at me, u stare at a kid that has been long gone.
lost of existince, lost from the population of the earth.
ive been dead for 16 years...... lets just say since birth.
*** Dam This was really good, deep emotions nice close***

Overall this was a really decent verse by far the best I have
seen from you to date,.. your still not using the right vocab
but the flow was nice and the emotions was really deep !!

Very decent verse fams keep em coming don't forget to
holla at me to try and elevate..

Stay up

1~

thats some deep shit

word again thanks for the feed. i see u liked this piece more then the other and im glad cus this is more of the begging of the piece "when ur soul becomes dead" i wanna do a triligy where in the 3rd piece i end up comiting suicide but im not sure about that yet. hit up and i might do it.....

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

i like how in the beginning it already alludes to how you commit suicide with "trip and fell, over a 9mm barrel shell". in the beginning personally you were able to catch my attention, especially wit the lines

"how can u tell when ur life has gone to the shits.
maybe when u dropin none stop, but none of them r hits.
it fits, and its wierd how karma loves to put u down.
u do somethin good for a change and get put underground.
i found out that the harder u try the more u get pulled in.
like quick sand when u strugle, my hits are broken records on a spin.
no one listens, and dont give the time to pay attention.
maybe cus i have no emotion in a broken home of no effection."

i think those lines generically can get anybody hooked in this piece because we've all expirienced at least one of those emotions.

there was some mad emotion here, good job going through your storyline on how your family was half gone and how people dont care about you. ur closing was good too, u had a good choice of words from beginning to end

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ASSIMILATED CONCEPTZ

word. thankz 4 the feed. i always love ppl seeing my emotion. and yes in some parts i was mad in this piece. this was a work in progress and i try really hard to have some emotion b4 i write instead of just sitting down and saying. wut should i write bout.

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

uppin for feed.

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

uppp...............

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

come on RV dont sleep on this....

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

ok lets see well ur really getting better at ur structure and flow they are flowing great
ur rymes are getting good too ur are elivating at a fast speed and thats great
u will soon have to get into audio cus ur stuff is getting greater

uppin this shit so some PEOPLE CAN LEAVE SOME FUKING FEED!!!!

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

pretty dope man.

This was pretty simlpe and on point.

i could do a audio track with those lyrics easy.

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em ur mother is a crack whore kims a known slut so whats halie goin to be when she grews up?