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Old 06-03-06, 06:59 PM   #1
\/ali/>
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The Squander

IP: 294B 306D

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=212867
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?p=2760239&posted=1#post2760239

She was the girl of many dreams
A golden smile...could make dudes twirl wit many things/
Didn't have much money but she always urled it with care
Like most black women, she bore a weave, payed rent with the curls in her hair/
She was the queen of the skid... had so much ass that she had to leave up the lid
Lied too much, Like plutonic blasters, she was mean with the fibs/
Loved by everyone, she bore a smile that could stun the mob
Anything but a hood rat, at Crenshaw High she won the prom/
Eduction and a bright future, always voted most likely to succeed
Heart of a champ, even had the will to teach a blind kid to read/
A tough women, wore a mind set of night pewter (a rock)
Always made the right decisions, you could tell she had a bright future/

But it didn't go that way....

Her college life was downed with the vodka
When it came to men she was always played, like a clown with a Tonka/
Then she lost all her attractive figures, after she started using drugs
Couldn't ever find a nice guy so she started doing thugs/
She took part in an abusive marriage, where she learned how to grip the nine
Killed a man and her life was ruined, like glued murders she sticked to crime/
She remembered her days of glory
Regretted the mistakes she made, for her, the sun bore rays of worry/
Though about the decisions she made and realised wealth was a laundered right
The she went back to cooking her meth, she lived a squandered life/
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Last edited by \/ali/> : 06-04-06 at 12:26 AM.
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Old 06-04-06, 08:14 AM   #2
\/ali/>
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...feed please...
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Old 06-04-06, 01:55 PM   #3
Valerie
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it's ok .
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Old 06-04-06, 05:23 PM   #4
Success
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this was descent. topic was meh
flow was nice most of the time
rhymes were descent...
overall diss wuz descent..
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Old 06-04-06, 05:31 PM   #5
SkaNdaLuz
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The story was cool, it had a twist and I like that.

This was my favorite part...

Eduction and a bright future, always voted most likely to succeed
Heart of a champ, even had the will to teach a blind kid to read/

This was my least favorite part...

She took part in an abusive marriage, where she learned how to grip the nine
Killed a man and her life was ruined, like glued murders she sticked[should be stuck] to crime/

You used "sticked" to force the multi. Forced multi's = not good.

Overall it was aight. Keep writin'.
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Old 06-04-06, 09:42 PM   #6
\/ali/>
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thanx for the feed everyone..upping for some more .
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Old 06-05-06, 01:17 AM   #7
SkaNdaLuz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by \/ali/>
thanx for the feed everyone..upping for some more .


why don't you go leave some feed for me...thanks
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