yo im try'na get sum feed here

this is ok.

what i think you need to work on, is write some text peices that arent audio style nahmean?.

pick a nice topic and get into some deep meta's, concepts and general idea's with it.

This would be a ok little street audio, but text is wack when your tryna make it audio, if you get me?
use more meta's, wordplay, and general vocab. Your peice is very simple.

Try drop with more originality bro, cause this reminds me of 100 peices that pass through these forums.

ok drop.
stay dropping.

peace

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http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2790273

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2790274

ayo i guess dats wat u want

uppin dis joint

oh naw homey it rap bu tvery low old school style let me take some of this and update it

My style stay significant and sway different like
Pendulum, so hocus pocus and I’m focus ready to strike
Got a great design so my state of mind is vicious and
Suspicious, look I clear bounds like deer hounds and expand
With a shaggy coat on my raggedy quotes but got fans
Blood surging crazy like the Virgin Mary going to mangers
With unknowing strangers call Chuck Norris for the Texas rangers

Your style is fine...

Its just in its infancy. Rapping isnt about changing your style to sound like everyone else who is already established as good. Its about developing your own personal style and making it sound dope.

All you need to do is keep rapping.. Keep listening to rap and reading rap, take in the vocab and rhyme schemes and all that shit by ear and incorporate them to your own shit. Its practice that makes people better. So keep doing your thing.

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good look'n fam
uppin dis for sum feedback kid

you man this is some good shit not exactly a text peice but i could see it as a hot track with the right beat

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You can't get to me cuz
U can't Touch tha Untouchble
Break tha Unbreackable
Shake tha Unshakeable
Move tha Unmovealble

not bad, just gotta do wut ysdat said.

u can elevate quickly u got good shit.
good ideas my man. keep it up payce

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

nigga ya shit is straight fire ,you got to mind some of the feedback they give you on here cause most of the rappers are into spiritual spitting,not the gangsta shit me and you spit,

this was all over the place, had some decent ideas, but you didnt really say anything new, for a first drop ever I say it wasnt bad, but really it wasnt good, and I can tell your new to this stuff, just keep at it, this first drop is better than most peoples first drops, so thats a place, just keep doing you, oh and try not to mispell words in ya verses it makes reading it annoying to most people and try being more creative

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