Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
07-17-07, 09:34 AM | #16 | ||||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 104A BFFB
i disagree w/ a lot of the ppl that already posted, this didn't flow well for text, but not enough visuals for a poem... when doing text, try to make then number of syllables semi-consistant in rhyming bars, that way it flows... idk how it sounds in your head, which probably means it would be better on audio... just based on the piece i'd suggest not neccesarily to up your vocab, because simple wording goes a long way, but more to watch your word usage (like using words in the right context) and not putting in "filler" words to try to make t seem more complex or "deep" than it is... decent piece if you're just starting, i loo foward to reading more of you work playa, keep writing...
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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07-18-07, 12:56 PM | #17 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: 739C 955A
good lookin on the feed even though i really could careless what you said but anyway more feedback
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07-18-07, 01:33 PM | #18 | ||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: DB1C 4B69
It flowed nice, more like a poem if the puncuations were right, and like and inspiration type deal. i say its tight the words went together so smoothly and u didnt have to go bak and see wat makes sense or not cuz it all did nice job mane!
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07-19-07, 09:34 PM | #19 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: EEB8 4EA2
good lookin on the feedback can i get more
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07-24-07, 06:28 PM | #20 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: DB1C 4B69
Simple but good flow and deep it could use a lil work and other then that it was good!
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07-24-07, 08:36 PM | #21 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: DB1C 4B69
i like the flow its alright i give it a couple props!
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07-26-07, 03:48 PM | #22 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1B5 6324
can i get some feed
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07-29-07, 02:19 AM | #23 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: D657 40A2
good flow...but need a lil more structure
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08-05-07, 02:01 AM | #24 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: 3012 8573
can i get more feedback
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