Your vocabulary is impressive..and its obvious you have it. You just need to learn when to use em. Using the most complex and most describing words every chance you get makes a tough read.. It cuts down on the flow / imagery / an emotion. Sometimes adding a little simple vocab in there is good aswell. Other than that your piece was pretty good. You had good structure..it put together a nice lil story to read. Although kinda depressing imo. lol. Good drop man, you got skills an alot of potential. Less vocab next time haha.

pz.

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Fear