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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-26-03, 10:38 PM
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#1
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Registered User
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jsut a song
IP: 5BCB 1BEF
see shit holding be bac and slowin me up, but despite these challenges i aint give up, i continue going up tough against this earth, fighting everyday since my birth, i dont no if im gonna make it, but if the oppurtunity arises im gonna take it, i wont hesitate or stall cuz as soon as i do i may falter and fall, so i keep going and fighting, espressing my thoughts in feelings when im writing, cant stop me now, aint noone know how...
god put me on this world with a curse tomorrow u make awake and find me in the back of herse but on the other hand im a soldier and going strong maybe ill succeed, fullfilling my need as i go along more verses comin maybe |
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05-26-03, 10:47 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 5E4E E0C4
I know that I am just a newbie so make what you want of my comments.
You got some sweet words but because of the set up it is real hard to feel your flow. Set it out in bars, like you did the last piece, to make it easy to get the beat. Also some of the bars are just real drastic changes in pace and lenght. I would like to see some more verses for sure. Chuck em up bro, lets see more. |
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05-27-03, 12:12 AM
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#3
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Banned
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IP: 2AF2 3A0F
nice flow at the end.. not that bad of a hook... keep up the shit
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05-27-03, 12:35 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 4577 CD9A
it flowed pretty good and the rhymes were aight keep postin' though
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05-27-03, 12:39 AM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 138A 47F5
this was ok and u need to work on ya shizz,
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05-27-03, 12:41 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 872B E5DF
you should have set it up like this, its helps people see the flow
see shit holding be bac and slowin me up, but despite these challenges i aint give up, i continue going up tough against this earth, fighting everyday since my birth, i dont no if im gonna make it, but if the oppurtunity arises im gonna take it, i wont hesitate or stall cuz as soon as i do i may falter and fall, so i keep going and fighting, espressing my thoughts in feelings when im writing, cant stop me now, aint noone know how... god put me on this world with a curse tomorrow u make awake and find me in the back of herse but on the other hand im a soldier and going strong maybe ill succeed, fullfilling my need as i go along its ok but its two damn short that wouldnt even be a complete verse on a song, |
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