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Old 06-18-03, 04:25 PM   #1
SmoothCrmnl
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for years to come

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Haven't written down my thoughts in a minute - i will return with some hard punches ... in the meantime between time i'll be hitten ya'll hard wit comments...aiight...
da hunnet
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Old 06-18-03, 04:34 PM   #2
SmoothCrmnl
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eyo
:::....:::
mic check one - two ... makin sure this shiznit is on.....



from time to time you have been on my mind
with your majestic legs to your timeless breasts
i breath your desire
such a desire that blows my strength into an eternity of discretion that is hard to surpass into my many everlasting comfessions
of
my undoubtful love for you
with both time and chance i am transformed from one that discloses to one that transposes any type of affection

i feel your wind
i feel your spirit
i feel your mind

my heart beats to your silent drum
breathe out - so i can breathe you in -

although you don't know who i am i will forever know YOU
from time to time you have been on my mind
with your majestic legs to your timeless breasts
i breath your desire

my love for you always
for years to come

___uppn for some comments...I know i can do better but i just had to get some type of literature out there...its been a minute___

Last edited by SmoothCrmnl : 06-20-03 at 09:24 PM.
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Old 06-18-03, 09:20 PM   #3
SmoothCrmnl
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uppn for comments
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Old 06-18-03, 10:10 PM   #4
Pr0phecy
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yo man...wtf was that ish....lol
good stuff man...
keep that raw ish coming
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Old 06-18-03, 11:11 PM   #5
~RuThLEss~
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RAW Nice....and confusing 3 words..lol that makes a perfect poem

Nice drop

peep mine
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=58416
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Old 06-20-03, 12:12 AM   #6
SmoothCrmnl
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thanx ya'll uppn for mo comments
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Old 06-20-03, 12:44 AM   #7
Content
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"timeless breasts" okay preacher....keep gettin the literature out
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Old 06-20-03, 12:49 AM   #8
SmoothCrmnl
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hahaha i know i know...holla

uppn yall
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Old 06-20-03, 02:11 AM   #9
deushy
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haha nice...
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Old 06-20-03, 07:23 AM   #10
filed
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nice and the lines that really stood out to me and kept me reading was " breathe out - so i can breathe you in -

althought you don't know who i am i will forever know YOU"
check ya later
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Old 06-20-03, 09:25 PM   #11
SmoothCrmnl
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haha thanx ya'll...keep uppn kidz
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Old 06-23-03, 01:33 AM   #12
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ill rhyme, discloses transposes, didn't even though those words existed... the breathe out breath in thing was good, keep it up. peace
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Old 06-23-03, 03:05 AM   #13
shiznit
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pretty interesting....the vocabs are really good..teh flow was a bit off but could work on it....

"my heart beats to your silent drum
breathe out - so i can breathe you in - "

like they said..the whole breathing thing..is defnitely out there nice work!

ahhhhh i feel like i can relate cuz the past few days ive been feeling that shit...and its crazy...ahhh

but yeah...i liked it but couldve been better...drop more!
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Old 06-23-03, 02:41 PM   #14
SmoothCrmnl
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holl ya'll...thanx for da comments
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Old 06-23-03, 02:47 PM   #15
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damn dawg....

very very well written...i liked how u wrote it...it got ur ideas through better and it allowed the readers time to pause and think about wut u just wrote...

that was very deep sonny....very ill..keep droppin that knowledge on us man...

be-eazy

go check out "the utopia of our love" if ya got a quick minute....
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