Pain is my companion, while solitude has always been my guide
Your sweet eyes and loving touch solely offered me a threat I couldn’t abide

I feel like life has giving me much, but has taken even more
But then again the good times were always wurth waiting for

But gone are the days… leaving scars that leave wounds within
You placed your love in my hand, and I willingly offered you sin

Through the years, my hate for you grew further than my love for you ever did
I’m so tired of always giving in and so… my wrists I cut and split

Heart took all the punches, but is now tired of the beating
Eyes have dried out, can’t take anymore weeping

Watching each and every day our fire in our heart being smothered by the rain
While the flame of passion that burned in our hearts, turns to something gray

Slowly killing me inside, as I come closer to the end with every breath
The morning starts setting with a glow bringing the sense of death

So as the sun starts setting, my loving pulse for you starts to fade
Gone are our days as I blow out our so called ‘eternal flame’

Uppin for some honest comments

deep peice Sp -eyez
I felt the words flowin through the whole thing
also i have no idea what it is in your eyez but you can take the lines and relate them to yourself if you read it like i thought of several parts of my own life readin the peice
good flow keep uppin it pz DF

That first line really sucked me in....
Great wording there...
In fact the whole piece impressed me...

"But gone are the days… leaving scars that leave wounds within
You placed your love in my hand, and I willingly offered you sin"

^loving that....

keep em coming

thanks both 'soultress' and 'dead and famous' for the honest comments
really appreciated

peace

So as the sun starts setting, my loving pulse for you starts to fade
Gone are our days as I blow out our so called ‘eternal flame’

i'm not to fond of the subject manner, however the vocab and flow sucked me in i can't lie..........question was the above quote a dig at someone i get the feeling it is a quote or line someone fed you and you are telling them in a indirect manner what you feel. I've never liked suicidal tendencies especially my own so this cuts a little to deep for me.....other than that i liked the piece good drop.

thanks for your honest comments
I didn't really mean it in a suicidical way though... to me it's more like feeling more dead at the moment than alive. But you can see it from that point of view too of course.
Anywayz, thanks for honest uppin
appreciated

peace

i thought it was a tight drop.but this topic has been played out.so wen u write another 1 be different im sure it will come out as good as this one.keep uppin~1luv~

tight ish...............deep too...........nice vocab......da end'n wuz hot dawg......

somma ya lines seemed to contradict themselves makin no 'shit of sense'..lol..(my new line)

Your sweet eyes and loving touch solely offered me a threat???? I couldn’t abide

sweet eyes an loving touch offering a threat you cannot accept/put up with?...that just made no sense at all...

but

So as the sun starts setting, my loving pulse for you starts to fade
Gone are our days as I blow out our so called ‘eternal flame’

^^this line was nice..but you could have started your picture witha sunrise..and ended it with tha line..n ya poem woulda been SO dope....

ya rhyme scheme was coo...and structure on point....do tha thug thizzle ma

igido

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S

aight thanks for your honest comments
and Preacher about yo comments, they're deeply respected, but I guess that my intention with that first line was just to create this like 'dark atmosphere' and just contradict it. To make it seem like an impossible love or something.
But your comments are appreciated and I'll try to rewrite the piece from your point of view.
You're right about starting it with picturing the sunrise, I'ma try to rewrite, thanks for ya creative ideas

peace