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09-11-03, 09:07 PM | #1 | ||||||
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~~OriginAlity~~
IP: 4DB4 0FD9
here we go let tha shit-begin,im tippin-gin,while grippin-pens,made a lil extra time for flippin-tens//
weed-game or dope-war,so many acts bring-shame so ill just smoke-more keep my shit seperate, whos tha coke-for// most gangs-rain-pain through tha steal-that-they-buyin,gettin fucked up off tha pills-that-they-tryin,they talk quietly to not be heard but they still liein// gettin high so im flyin,time flys by wit so much cryin// before ya know it another years come// and more fears are put into those who are here just to get some// material things are in need to be achieved,but greed leaves me believin it leads to needs// still tired-of-bein-broke,not wired-but-seein-smoke,gettin fired-not-seein-hope// efforts are made-why are they for nothin,gettin played-by hoes so im still puffin// cops still cuffin and we still runnin,canons still blast wit sound thats numbin// water keeps leakin due to bad plumbin,lookin for a better life wish i had somethin// these mentalitys seem to change originality,people forgetin were they come from destroyin origin-had-to-be. |
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09-11-03, 10:30 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: B2E8 21DD
It would be better dogg if you evened out your flow and structure, it would make for an easier read.
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09-12-03, 12:50 AM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: AC2F A033
uppin
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09-13-03, 11:09 AM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: C1DA C961
feeling this one, just like that other one I replied on...
Yo, I don't know... I don't think this shit is hard to read... "still tired-of-bein-broke,not wired-but-seein-smoke,gettin fired-not-seein-hope//" every coma ends the rhyme, it separates the words that got the same sound... then come the slashes // thas the end of that sound... after that comes a different sound, a different group of words that sound similar, and so on and shit... get it... I ain't hard to read... it ain't common true... just a different style... -1- Last edited by Alias-C : 09-13-03 at 11:12 AM. |
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09-13-03, 11:12 AM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: C1DA C961
yo you had nice vocab, just like your other 1, but your structure could still use a lill work, lol
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09-13-03, 09:23 PM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: AC2F A033
thanks for tha replies,uppin^^^^
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