This will hopefully be made into audio, more bars will be added, my first audio project, and my first ever topical, its called worthy because of the beat which has a chorus of a woman talking/ singing!

Any crit would be much appreciated!

Worthy

ill show them im worthy of some succes in life/
show them i can get through the pain and strife/
perhaps one day ill grow up raise a family/
get a good job, nice car, big house, big TV/
pressure to get good grades, get a good job/
people need money so much they result in crime, they rob/
idylic life, call me a pessimist i dont think it exists/
people hating life so much they result in slitting their wrists/
suicide, homocide, im on nobodys side/
people swear the oath, lie, the crime they deny/
Why do they do it, to understand oh i try/
how could you want to make another human die/
i sit back see suffering and think what life is this/
people at 15 on drugs, joining gangs and having kids/
so little time so much pressure to succeed/
so many people not sharing, controlled by greed/
how can you let another man starv with no home/
how can it be ok to spend millions on a oversized dome/
imagine a world where everyone was the same/
no racist claims, no fame, no1 hanging there head in shame/
We are certainly Worthy of a better standard of living/
raise my hand to Tony Blair, make it better your forgiven/
to continue to try to get further in this life i shall proceed/
put my finger up to the non believers, theres chance to succeed/

Oversized Dome = London Millenium dome!

Anything dont make sense ask ill tell, ive critted a few pieces!

SIMPLE VERY SIMPLE BUT A REAL GOOD READ I ENJOYED IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF HERE THAT WAS REAL GOOD.

for a first open mic it was pretty good
kept my interest
not an original topic but u still wrote about it in a unbique way i guess
vocabulary cud be improved along with more imagery to improve further drops
but the simplicity of this was good in a way...fell what ur saying
good job

thanks for crit boys, i know i shall add more multis wordplay imagery etc..

but thanks for crit

Any more Crit please?

First and Last Uppin!

ahhh, u muss b from ma homeland....

not bad fo ya 1st post blood....

jes elevate and you'll come along nicely...

your homeland, u meening UK!

yeh Sheffield city born and raised, (on the playground where i spent most o my days )

Cheers for crit, much appreciated man, im gonna improve multies in this piece!