Lifes been a blessing i just havent noticed its reward
Always been plugged in the socket i just fell over the chord
Thinking I had nothing, an nobody, but somebody loved me
Showed me they cared but i turned my back so slightly
Feelings i was scared of, i wasn't prepared for love
Just trapped inside open doors i couldnt walk out
Thinking i new life, but i was stuck in'a cold drought
Wind pushing me everyday 2wards my hopes an dreams
A typical teen, worried of bein shot by an angles beam
So I now sit and i pray, thank the lord for my immunity
Letting me lose in'a free willed inviromental community
Slit my wriste for stupidity,i cry for joy hear my apolige
I dont want your sympathy, Listen to my regrets thoroghly

I was never the type to bend or bugde i was'a stif board
I always thought people we're sharper then'a sword
Coming at me to slit my throught from ear to ear
Noticing now they just wanted to stop my tears
I judged people wrong all along thinking i was right
Franchizing other peoples lives and misjudging my life
Seems to me i was blind the time sence i was a seed
Wishing i can make things right an water me
Let my roots grow and take a good stance
Im'a camera, lemme take a picture of a chance
Watch me, stop me how, im gunna change my style
Stop behaven like a child An grow to elavate like'a freestyle
I played with, it was a mistake cuz it aint a toy
You showed me god, so hear crys of joy

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

I'm not really sure if I liked this or not. I couldn't catch onto the topic. This was about you being happy that you found God? Found more to life?

I liked the second stanza. It looked like you were remorseful in it. With the judging people part. Seeing people admit they were wrong and try to correct it is always a good thing so I liked reading that.

"Wishing i can make things right an water me
Let my roots grow and take a good stance
Im'a camera, lemme take a picture of a chance
Watch me, stop me how, im gunna change my style"

Those lines were interesting. Looks like something right out of the Bible. I haven't seen a whole lot of poems where people word it like that. Asking to be watered, and grow into a good stance. Nice stuff.

"Thinking I had nothing, an nobody, but somebody loved me
Showed me they cared but i turned my back so slightly"

Were you talking about God as that somebody who loved you? If so, you kinda described me in that second line. Unfortunately I still turn my back even though He shows me he cares... I don't get it...anyways

Ummm, overall this was pretty good. Parts of it I didn't really follow well cause it seemed like you went from one thing to another abruptly and left me wondering where it went. The spelling could have been checked to add improvement..not to improve the writing but just for the reader. Deciphering words is not always fun. Just my 2 cents on improvement. Nice Job.

no it was a song symbalizing a person realizing not everything is perfect but in'a way life is a blessing inside itself, demenstarting a unique vision, of when people are wrong they normally dont admit or get pissed off an try to make the other person just forget it happened, This is a poem you have to try and see between the lines no what i mean? but thanks for the input

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

uppen for some feed

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

replies????

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

I loved the opening lines of this piece. It spoke loud and clear to me, as Ive often felt paralyzed in my own life, unable to live it through fear of dissapointment.. not realising that just being alive is the greatest gift, and that for that, its worth taking the risk.
My mind wandered a little in the second verse, that peaked interest from the opening waned a little for me... But still a nice write.

__________________

Whether or not you meant this to be, it did come across very much so as a piece "thanking god" persay.

Overall, there was something I did and I didn't like about this piece.
I don't know. It felt that you weren't completely entralled in this, like you got the topic idea, but didn't believe in it exactly?...

But you had one quote that was just one of the most fucking amazing things I have ever read, honestly.

"Coming at me to slit my throught from ear to ear
Noticing now they just wanted to stop my tears"

That was incredible. One of the best things I have ever read, no word of a lie.