aite i neva read da rules so im a send dis again

three open mics
1) deva- "alternative" medicine
2) Talon- the world today
3)MonStar - just clowning




quick rap
I remember Listening to Pac when I was young ,
His lyrics was like the rise of a sun//
Something special which you cant forget,
Even though he dead he still da shit//
He was a Thug , But he had a lot of love,
To me he was a legend as he gave me a little shove//
Further a head In life an taught me about the streetz
He give me a mic an he gave me my beats//
Noone will ever be near as great as PAC,
So wanksta’s Like Ja stop tryin to be a Big Shot//
You couldn’t be him , stop tryin to wear his shoes,
Your beter off givin up rap an start singin da blues//
What am I saying, fuck you couldn’t do that neither,
Lost little boy , Rap bout ur own life an stop bein a cheater//
Rapping about how nobody loves you, fuck
No bloody wonder, u getting a deal was cos u probably gave irv gottis dick a suck//
This is a song for pac def not for Ja rule,
But Im letting da fans know that he aint neva gonna rule//
If he does there must be sumthin wrong wit ur brains,
he must be pumpin fuckin poison through ya viens//


Justa quick rap , what do yaz think?

Attached Images

2pacrip.gif (9.8 KB, 20 views)

i think it was alright, just you have to work on flow a little better. you should keep postin', i liked it

OKAY...i aint gona bother givin a verse feedback on this....
But...it seemed to be a moderatly good poem...

u need longer lines...and u need to set a good flow pattern....

after u get that done, improve things like internal rhymin and multies...

after that, ul have some skill....it just depends how ul use it....

then...THE MOST IMPORTANT....Ditch the Tupac shit cuz it wont gain u any respect....

I love his shit, and im a fan...but i would never write a verse on him or mentionin his name, unless i was asked to....
Holla my shit...give feedback..!!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87346
Keep droppin man...its the only way u get better....Good luck...peace..!!

thanks man , appreciated!

yeah i agree the flow fell off a few times, and it wasn't a very creative verse, i seen it all before, try and keep your structure more on point...this will help it flow....keep droppin though..

Agree with everything said above..longer lines..better flow...keep workin at it..lata

Wutz good. Dis was a niece lil piece. Good to see dat Pac is still influencin ppl in rap. He's one of my biggest influences. But numba on eis Jay-Z. Anyway lemme get to da point. U dropped a niece one for a first time. I kinda see myself in u. I was da same way when I came in RB. Then I made da mistake of tryna go at vets. So I layed low til shit calmed down. But now I'm back. Jules don't make da mistake I made. Take it from me.

its tight the way everyone still gives love in their flows to biggie and pac, BUT like i said .... EVERYONE is doing it...it gets a little played out after awhile. they are 2 of the greatest, but it's time to move on. as 4 your flow-keep doin ya thang...skillz develope over time if you stay consistent. just pay your dues and you should be straight..peace!

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let's get this shit straight, i'm here to eliminate- them squadz wit feminine traits, there's no escape!