Nations Disruption

the rush i get when my heart skips a beat//
seeing the chems of the world pass through the street//
the pain i feel when the ones i’m close to, get too deep//
there is no stoping the substance//
it get’s into the vains with abundance//
we all become corrupt - the nations begin to disrupt//
the peace and harmony we hold so dear//
this becomes my worst fear//
watching us distroy everything with hateful words said so clear//
watching them wave guns in the sky//
but for now, sit back and wait - we can do this//
just like before we’ll get through this//
just have the determination to survive - and strive - to make all dreams come true....

Attached Images

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Good drop. Rhyme scheme was a little off. The structure was nice. I liked the way that u wrote this out. U got ur point across and thats wut matters. Btw, nice pics too. Makes it more fun. lol. Keep up da good work. Much respect.

Thx for the comments...

There’s a thin line between love and hate//
and I think that’s why I can’t concentrate //
I don’t exaggerate//
Mixed thoughts in my mind, seem to complicate//
Cause I am tired of stressing my mind in this state//
I wanna put my mind at ease//
but the hatred inside makes me want to break the peace//
got me fretting like I’ve got a mental disease//
what - you tryin’ to do yo? Steel my steez//
I’ve gotta leave, cause you can’t take this from me//
I’ve got to battle the love and hate you have given to me//
You have proven to me//
Through all this whack talk and jealousy//
But that’s the way it’s got to be//
cause I am fed up//
complications got me frustratin’ on a higher level//
fuck, I wish you could see it on my level//
but what the hell though//
I think I know now what I’ve got to do//
I don’t know what the fuck you were trying to prove//
I know who’s gonna win and who’s got to loose//
cause someone’s gotta try and spend a day in my shoes//
but now my mind is clear//
my strength is unstoppable, this must be your worst fear//
now you’ll be thinking about the day’s we were once near//
and regrettin every moment you made me shed a tear//
cause I’m movin’ on - my resolution for the new year...//
look ahead and never look back//
cause the thoughts will get you stressin like a maniac//
my words speak the truth and go straight off the track//
it’s a catch 22 so where’s my target at??//
~2003~

WTF are you talking about poems dont need to rhyme.

naw poems don't always rhyme, I think my method has more rythem because of the rhyming words tho, it's honestly about skill and reaching out to people who can relate to your style of written lyrics, or rhymes; and in all reality...you can only trust yourself to develop the skillz...

nice drop, it had some concepts that were true in this:
we all become corrupt - the nations begin to disrupt//
the peace and harmony we hold so dear//
^^^i liked this line^^^

nice drop

aiight

peace

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I think the only reason she said the rhyme scheme was off is because it looked like there was a rhyme scheme to it. To begin, it was like.. last word rhyme. But then you got to some parts where the last word didnt rhyme, and then other parts where it did. Thats how she CAN say the rhyme scheme was off. But the flow was right on so whatever rhyme scheme she saw to the poem really doesnt matter. LoL. I think this was a nice ass piece. Nice drop.

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YEA, dats y i said it. I mean if it looks like ur gonna use a rhyme scheme, den use it. If u decide to, then change ur mind, then it can get the reader confused and sometimes it looks sloppy. Like i said it was a good drop. So dont hate. If ya look at my shit, nothing rhymes....so back yo shit up first. I dont rhyme, and I think that rhyming tends to limit you on what ur writing. Dats my thoughts. Good drop Sin, keep it up.

thx for all the comments, i believe that rhymes are alot like art, and i tend to; like breaking the rules...sometimes it's easier to grasp a concept from a rhyme by reading it outloud too, anyways I'll try to come up with some more shit you guys might be interested in readin'

sorry about that, i didnt look at it that way

No problem. Just statin what i meant.

Bug Up's!
I appreciate your responces, I will keep it all in mind. thx again...

Nice peice, i liked the ending it and its message

but for now, sit back and wait - we can do this//
just like before we’ll get through this//

^very nice line..

good job