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12-02-03, 08:36 PM | #1 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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Anatomy Of A Soldier
IP: 5F2A E1C0
Feedback On
Camarac Deva Edicus Anatomy Of A Soldier The anatomy of a soldier, we start at his feet, The foundation to keep, his anget un-released, The boots of the troop, settled to march, The drummer plays a beat, forever in his heart, His ankles n' his shins, set just to win, If it begins to cringe, then say it again, The muscle in his legs, hold his support, N' more if they sway back n' forth til the war, Whats it for? if you cant impress ya team, Doesn't mean that your without neccessities, You dont fight for your country, you fight for you life, Under light, dimmed for the fright of the fight, A pussy for life? or a soldier for a day?, That strayed away, from the image you portrayed, and so the same, for a warrior with a name, is as insane to blame if aint made of a brain, look the opposite way, to what they'd be tellin him, out of his element, intelligence seems irrelivent, life, hes sellin it.. for a struggle he cant win, its sad 2 see, yet some aren't enough to fit the anatomy.. The controversy you despute, you use to a mute, for the truth that you knew thru to the youth, prove that to you, cuz its easier said than done, if guns run thru the lungs of those who have won, bring what you brung, fingers stop to mock hands, drop mans by the hours that pass of the clock hands, then stop plans, then speak mantled words, you could be a soldier in a uniform or flannel shirt, its an un-mattered verse.. left un-certain, to worsen n' interpret dependent on the person, close the curtain. If you cant face the concents enrolled, over-sold, an ode told for those who up-hold, times that go. Anatomy sent to the chest, locked to the rest, the chest holds your breath, n' whats left? at the end is your head, which meant it seperates the depth of reality n' death, n' it needs to be said, for the armor n' shields, that the appeal is concealed by peace n' times surreal, The imagery of bein real.. conversing personally, perjury against the anatomy of adversity.. It aint hard to tell, but aint never help, no man do the dirty work he couldn't do himself, but never felt, always found me quiet, minus an alliance w/ the finest of silence, timed when rhymin, watch like minimal tours, you askin if im a soldier is like askin- -if the United States won tha Civil War, n' forever more, is strength over verbal? if ure not built, is the same for internal? live for eternal, live to stick up for your court, that you sport n' distort using force for the war before, thats your support, swords n' mics, egnite the fight in ya knife that might strike twice, n' goes your life, a soldier never falters, a solder never falls, but if a soldier lets down his walls, hes not a soldier at all, You've seen what you saw, sights turn despite sum shit, A soldier strides hiw pride with tightened fists, never miss, odds you die is 10 to three times, a hard nine to five behind enemy lines, Changing times, a soldier is more than a person, more than a thing, Yet a successful warrior is more than a soldier, n' aligned with a king.. Last edited by Auspicious : 12-03-03 at 02:39 PM. |
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12-02-03, 08:41 PM | #2 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 8614 4194
god damn, I only read the two verses.
I gotta say, I really dig this flow. You got a nice smooth easy to read style with this, and the story is symbolic, I like that. You got this nice and good, minor things, too small to mention might have brought you down, but dont worry about it 9/10 |
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12-02-03, 08:42 PM | #3 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: E38C 4580
Aus. . I Heart You. . Now That The Mushy Shit Of My Reply Is Out Of The Way. . So Far This Piece Is Fuckin Dope Man. As If I Should Expect Anything Less. The Story Your Tellin And The Incredible Imagery Makes This Piece Ill As Fuck Already. The Flow Is PERFECT. . I Hope It Doesn't Fall Off In Ya Third Verse. . I'll Edit This When The 3rd Is Dropped.
-Formula.
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INSTANT. . |
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12-02-03, 08:44 PM | #4 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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IP: 5F2A E1C0
No Doubt.. I Dont THink It Will.
Will Post Third Verse Tomorrow |
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12-03-03, 02:41 PM | #5 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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IP: F11D C4BA
Third Verse is In
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12-03-03, 03:49 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
YO IM FEELING THIS AND IT WAS CREATIVE PLAYING OFF THE TITTLE....YOU USED EVERY ASPECT ON THIS AND WAS VERY ILL WITH FLOW STRUVTURE TIGHT IN GENERAL POP
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12-03-03, 05:11 PM | #7 | ||||||
This is my first post!
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IP: 73C9 DA2C
lmfao this was fucking sick
Vocab,Flow,I think im not sure but i thought i saw a few multisi hottttttttttttttttt
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Reppin NUCLEAR CONCEPTS Grimey - Records |
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12-04-03, 02:08 PM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: D147 53B2
That shits ill!! Keep it up!!
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12-04-03, 02:37 PM | #9 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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IP: 3A1D AC66
Thanks
Any REAL Critisizm? |
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12-04-03, 08:14 PM | #10 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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IP: 5F2A E1C0
Uppin
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12-04-03, 08:24 PM | #11 | |||||||
The Ultimate Weapon
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IP: FF53 66D0
tight verse, props, i felt the flow and rhythm, one mistake...
the only one i can think of is when you wrote "mans" there's no such word but oh well. one small mistake. the verse was tight tho. no doubt. felt the vocab. nice topic also. sometimes i'd like to think i'm a soldier. lol. maybe its just me. who cares anyway. alright 9.5/10 check out my "love at first site" thread if ya could pleaze thanx peACE |
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12-18-03, 07:55 PM | #12 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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IP: 5F2A E1C0
yUP
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12-23-03, 09:00 PM | #13 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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IP: 5F2A E1C0
up
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12-23-03, 09:41 PM | #14 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 399E F0FD
Good shit. Great vocab. Nice topic. Structure was good. Perfect open mic.
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12-23-03, 09:52 PM | #15 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: BEB7 B324
That was one of the most illustrative pieces Ive seen on this site. Very impressed. I give much respect to you. Wordplay was tight, vocab was tight. All out hot ass writing.
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