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12-07-03, 02:42 AM | #1 | |||||||
The Ultimate Weapon
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My Voice Within...
IP: ABE5 5A5C
check it...
The taste of tears colored crimson, it’s an everlasting story// Memories triggered from lashes, the scenes flash before me// The threads of truth have been torn, the music violently faded// The smiles and laughter now unworn the lies are silently stated// Hidden behind the tied confinements, the yelling transcends// Induced abuse inside the times spent, the fighting can’t end// Tragic glances romanced, their heard words were unspoken// Static chances won’t last, each crafted promise went broken// I’m just a child growing up, yet each second spent is a threat// The mind of mine rewinds the times to pray one day I forget// hope you can understand it... here's a hint: domestic violence... something to think about... peACE |
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12-07-03, 03:45 AM | #2 | |||||||
The Ultimate Weapon
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
threads i replied too:
"why do we exist..." "the real prophecy" "anotha keystyle..." aight then... feedback plz ...anotha piece from the heart... peace |
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12-07-03, 04:08 AM | #3 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 340D 8B8F
This was pretty good i thought here....it was worth the read....this was a deep piece i thought, i was feeling this, it made me think....your structure was good in this, i liked that....flow was good i thought, stayed on through out it...your vocab in this was pretty good as well i liked it....Another thing i liked was your multies...overall this was a good piece...keep at it.
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12-07-03, 09:11 AM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 261B 829D
I found this extremely basic.. The concept had been done before.. You didn't bring nothing new to it.. It lacked all interesting and explosive lines.. Your rhyme scheme was okay.. with one or two multis.. no hate.. Pz
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12-07-03, 02:19 PM | #5 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: F018 3268
I liked this piece. Liked the vocab and flow. I could feel yhis peace alot. The only thing i didn't like was that it was short. Other than that good job. Keep spittin'.
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12-07-03, 04:46 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: D2D1 B5AF
this wasn't a basic peice at all
maybe if you just skimmed it u wouldn't catch the hidden meaning i actually read it 2wice. good flow and good vocab. u approached this topic good. ill look for more posts by u man, keep it up |
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12-07-03, 04:56 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: D0CB 44B2
yea I was feeling this .
good structure and worded good. keep it up . |
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12-07-03, 06:04 PM | #8 | |||||||
Banned
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IP: 202C A952
yo dunny... this was a coo peice... ya flow is structure is tight... good flow an everythang.. this is was nice to read.... i was feelin it the whole way thru... keep postin... on3
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12-07-03, 07:22 PM | #9 | |||||||
The Ultimate Weapon
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
thanx for the feedback peepz...much appreciation...
even if it was short...it was tought to write...took about half an hour.........alright then.... peACE |
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12-07-03, 07:33 PM | #10 | ||||||
This is my first post!
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IP: 0A21 8FF7
dope i likd it alot....
im happy to see this kind of writing, even tho i dont do it, its tight
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Reppin NUCLEAR CONCEPTS Grimey - Records |
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12-07-03, 07:35 PM | #11 | ||||||
- Infinite -
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IP: 28EA 0509
i liked this piece..stayed on point..had creativity..nice structure apart from the // which gets annoying...overall it was good i hope to see moer from you..
Pz..
__________________
INFINITES MP3'S |
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12-07-03, 08:42 PM | #12 | |||||||
The Ultimate Weapon
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IP: 7635 231B
thanks for the feedback, much appreciation. this piece is one of my unique ones. but I felt I had to get it off my mind. seeing as how I grew up with it. it’s the first time I actually put it onto paper…
peace |
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12-08-03, 04:39 AM | #13 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 5C4B 9DFC
short but sweet....
this was almost perfect... it flowed well, vocab was awesome, you used multis and internals (which is a big thumbs up from me, I dont like much stuff that doesnt have multis) and the emotion was great... nice imagery and wordplay dope lines: The taste of tears colored crimson, it’s an everlasting story// Memories triggered from lashes, the scenes flash before me// I’m just a child growing up, yet each second spent is a threat// The mind of mine rewinds the times to pray one day I forget// The threads of truth have been torn, the music violently faded// The smiles and laughter now unworn the lies are silently stated// what else was cool is how u held back the true meaning, and let us interpret it in our own way.. u remind me of aesop rock dope <thumbs up> 9.75/10 :P |
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12-08-03, 05:10 AM | #14 | |||||||
ILL VILLE King
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IP: D6F2 6B1C
word pretty niice piece... painted some imagery for me...
"Tragic glances romanced, their heard words were unspoken// Static chances won’t last, each crafted promise went broken//" again niice piece pretty niice flow to it... keep posting... |
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12-08-03, 08:48 AM | #15 | ||||||
Registered User
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IP: 5FC0 0060
that was tight yo man my town we have alot a domest violence shit so i feel u
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