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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-07-05, 04:49 PM
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#1
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Poet's Daughter.
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Mom death+sons death=Happiness
IP: 9EDF B673
Sad . . Standing on the top of you, while your body is decaying, under the dirt. My heart is hurt. Tried to say “I’m good” but that’s no effort. Tears starts to blurt. I still hold memories, and everyday I cherish them, but it’s not the same before The good things we did together, are bore. Cause you aren’t here to adore Put pieces of rose pedals on your tombstone, knowing you will never be forgotten You, stay in my heart like an tattoo toxin, with the agonizing pain, that’ll never rotten As dawn lurks above me, I walk to my car. The tears got me choked up and hiccupping My hand trembles as I turn the key ignition. Damn, Damn, my heart is forever aching Blur by the tears, as I hit the road. I hear these sounds, tires screeching; why is that? Next thing you know I’m on my back. Feeling so hopeless as my sight went to black. . . Smile . . I look around, confuse. Where am I? That question goes through my mind Blind by the reason. Everything is so white, so pure, and so, so divine I saw what no other human will see in they “living” life time, a angel It arose from the bottom, what looks like clouds. It had wings like an eagle Her face was clear as an polish crystal, in my sight she was recognizable Wings started to spread, she came forward. I gasped, I was so frightful I busted into tears, as I notice her face. Shockingly I said “Mom” It had been so long, I’ve reached my arms out to her. My soul went calm Like an puppet that was so real. Her hands felt smooth and firm She grabbed a hold of me, and with a big smile we flew like birds Quick key. Leave feed.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal:  ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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05-07-05, 05:12 PM
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#2
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 9EDF B673
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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05-07-05, 05:45 PM
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#3
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 9EDF B673
C'mon now........................Uppin for some feedback's.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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05-07-05, 06:13 PM
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#4
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IP: 3881 400B
Nice shit, very deep and had great imagry, vocab wasnt too complex which was good for this piece.
Favorite Lines: Put pieces of rose pedals on your tombstone, knowing you will never be forgotten You, stay in my heart like an tattoo toxin, with the agonizing pain, that’ll never rotten ^Hot shit, good job.
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i'm bored. |
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05-07-05, 08:14 PM
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#5
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
Nice drop... i was really feelin it
It was very deep, had lots of emotions..and good feeling Structure was good ,... wordplay , and vocab were aswell good i felt it could have been alittle better if you would have made it alittle longer You had nice multies..some were alittle forced though but it was good Overall nice drop keep it up, just elevate on worden your liens and making More imagery , so the reader can become attracted and image what happening in there mind...Pz, nice drop
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The Competition
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05-08-05, 01:48 PM
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#6
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Poeticool
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IP: 7F1B 63C4
nice drop, i was really feeling this.
favourite lines? "Put pieces of rose pedals on your tombstone, knowing you will never be forgotten You, stay in my heart like an tattoo toxin, with the agonizing pain, that’ll never rotten" that was dope right there. 7/10. |
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05-09-05, 03:54 PM
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#7
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: FDD8 A089
^^ Thanx for the feedback, uppin for more....................
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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05-10-05, 07:17 AM
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#8
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 7E57 0A19
Uppin for more feedbacks..............................
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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05-10-05, 12:24 PM
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#9
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 10BC 0CC1
Nice piece right here. Strongest aspect was the emotion without a doubt and I like the concept with the division between sad and smile. It really brings out the contrast and at the same time the love he had for his mom. You found a good balance in your vocabulary, everything was understandable and portrayed a clear image inside the reader's head. Flow was good due to the multis you were using, imagery was okay...could be slightly better here and there though but overall, great piece!
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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05-10-05, 12:38 PM
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#10
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Only the Illist
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IP: 8BC7 013B
like i told you before kid i like the way you write... you use a good sence of immagry when you write which a lot of people seem to lack on this site... i like how you break it up into two seperate parts like a poetic story... you get a real sence of what your talking about in your stuff... keep it up and youll become a respected vet in no time...
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05-10-05, 01:53 PM
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#11
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
OooOOoOoooOOoOoOOoO
you know, the title had me really hesitant to come in here and read this, lmlo but, this was actually a really cool piece, i could tell it was quick because there was alot of grammar errors, haha, but i wont count those the story was very vivid, very real, and very emotional....very nice dictation here, i loved how you told the story, and let it unfurl....i can see you are a pretty good write, and i hope to see more from you..... this piece overall, although quick, it was a really nice read, and i want to see what you can do when you put some effort into it...nah saying? haha, well keep up for sure "I still hold memories, and everyday I cherish them, but it’s not the same before The good things we did together, are bore. Cause you aren’t here to adore I busted into tears, as I notice her face. Shockingly I said “Mom” It had been so long, I’ve reached my arms out to her. My soul went calm" just a couple lines that stood out, keep up, pz
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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05-10-05, 02:14 PM
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#12
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 7E57 0A19
^^ Thanx for the feedback..........................
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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05-10-05, 03:20 PM
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#13
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Poeticool
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IP: 7F1B 63C4
Please rtf on my poetic scripture: dreaming of the dark.
Much appreciated. |
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05-10-05, 03:28 PM
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#14
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 7E57 0A19
^^ Battle me...............Get @ me on pm or on aim. thank you. I'll will now return a fav.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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05-12-05, 06:12 PM
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#15
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 705D 6875
Feedback.......................................... ...
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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