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04-02-03, 02:06 PM | #1 | ||||||
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"I Killed My Boyfriend" (a love stawy)
IP: 3AA1 85DF
uhh pay attention.....
Only GOD can understand why I killed the man that I love infedelity erect like penises filled with cumm//// sex confessions on the floor ignoring vibrating pagers, he took a pause for the call then leaving 4 min later//// Information on the mating on him and many of girls withdrawing tears from my eyes ejaculating my world//// arguments about the wims (women) continuing in the kitchen which resulted with my weakness touchin, lickin, and kissin//// My craniums capacitated with thoughts of him and the others even thought for a moment he was pluggin' his own mother//// leaving on the late night with businesses styll unmentioned his lies long like extentions this could have been long prevented//// family telling me to leave without a trace or a word and let him think he got the best that sounded crazed and obsurd//// Dayum BaKardii finally snapped the calliburs in her hand sitting in her rocking chair the pistol cocked for her man//// asking questions of how could he, why did he do me this way the only reason that his death will be a quater to 8'//// conviction of the mind thrillers and my senses are numb only thing I feel right now is the strength of the gun//// feet wiping on the rug, jangles pockets for keys ready to end his cheating life and I'm not gonna flee//// aimed str8 for the head not the heart or the ribs watched him cradle like a baby in the comfort of cribs//// called the cops and said I killed him and it blood on the floor, interrogations of the reasons why I just did'nt go//// I loved the man who did me wrong, and revenge was a must, and the judge replied well you can spend your life here with us//// it's short I know but feedback please..... |
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04-02-03, 02:14 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
critique narcolepticz never prosper
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04-02-03, 02:30 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 16CE 0E8C
ummm... yup my man would die if something like that happened... yup I would have gone into more detail of how I killed him because it would be the best part... but yea... nice piece ma OoNnEe
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04-02-03, 02:37 PM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
thnx
*~Holler~* |
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04-04-03, 01:42 PM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
^^^^^
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04-04-03, 01:52 PM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: 5153 3B92
... I crime of passion... lol... I liked it girl, I really did... there seems to be alot of heart put into this... alot of emotion... and you express it well with your words... deep
I was feeling the flow and vocab, good rhymes too... I usually don't write rhymes like this... you know, emotional ones... but I'm posting one soon calld 'Broken', if you spot it, check it out... peace |
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04-04-03, 02:20 PM | #7 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
thnx for the reply
I'm uppin this *~Holler~* |
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04-04-03, 07:24 PM | #8 | ||||||
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IP: 618E 78B0
nice piece there girl.U wuz talkin like u had actually done tha crime..or sumthin.Either ill verse and hope to see more from ya.Stay ^
-Avi |
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04-07-03, 09:06 AM | #9 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
^^^^
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04-08-03, 10:27 AM | #10 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
^^^^
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04-08-03, 10:46 AM | #11 | ||||||
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IP: 1769 3B0F
now i know i have seen you before.....
anyways this was a great read entertaining made me think and visualize i give a ten |
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04-08-03, 02:06 PM | #12 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
thanx....still uppin
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04-08-03, 02:52 PM | #13 | |||||||
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IP: 3B20 6C52
Deep...I liked it. I could relate in a way to this, cause last year I wanted to kill my b/f...now my ex. But I'm tellin' you, if he wasn't a 200lb big tough guy, i woulda. lol. peaz.
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04-08-03, 03:05 PM | #14 | ||||||
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IP: 3AA1 85DF
(lol)
I feel you ma' don't get me wrong tho I did'nt kill him we just squared up meaning we fought, in the end we BOTH went to jail though (nuthin nice) thnx 4 da reply *~Holler~* |
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04-08-03, 03:36 PM | #15 | ||||||
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IP: B53D ACAB
I could not find the flow...but if it was just a story it was greatly done. Very emotional. Shit though, I would not want to be your boyfriend, shit, if you came at me with a gun I'd clap the shit out of you LMAO...good vocab....well semi....keep it up. By the way...can you help me find the flow.....?
Peace Out and PCP! |
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