Intro:

look, if u had one shot, or one opportunity
to sieze everything u everwanted-one moment
wud u capture it or jus let it slip

Verse 1:

yo, his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
theres vomit on his sweater already, moms speghetti
hes nervous, but on tha surface he looks calm and ready
to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
what he wrote down tha whole crowd goes so loud
he opens his mouth and tha words wont come out
hes choking, how every bodys joking now
tha clocks run out, times up over, bloah
Gap back to the dimension, snapped back to his detention
dont care wut n e body mentions
hes been bad, but not enuff to get a suspension
no, he wont have it, he knows his school rites
but he dont care, he still wants to fight
he had his own reasons, and to him hes still rite
hes so raged that he knows
when he gets back to tha foster home, thats when its
back to tha room alone
back to writing tha only reap he knows
he trys to capture tha moment, that someday he will own

Chorus:

u better lose urself in tha music, tha moment
u own it, u better never let it go
u only got one shot do not miss ur chance to blow
this opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

u better lose urself in tha music, tha moment
u own it, u better never let it go
u only got one shot do not miss ur chance to blow
this opportunity comes once in a lifetime u better

Verse 2:

his brain verges a briliant, and he wont b resiliant
in this world he stands, he wont b silent
he keeps on tryin, to succeed as a star, to make it far
a normal life is boring, but to b complex is hard
it only gets tougher, more thoughts than imagined
he blows minds on how much he knows
person to personhe shows, new roots are planted
life is slow, but god only knows, how its going to go
more obstacles can b standed
more rage is bein ranted
more problems are bein handed
but he still stands tall, ready to take another fall
waiting for life to give him his call
he waits as time stands still
his life is like a report, filled wot remorse
but still waiting for lifes main course

Chorus: repeat 2x

Verse 3:

my life aint no game, i dont belong in this cage
feel my rage when i end ur days
this aint no joke, iwill never change
my life isnt ment to be written down on every page
but to b filled to tha dullest
i live my life but i'nm not a cultist
i try frum down to duck, to find luck
to make it in life, from one day to another
fuckmy father and my mother
never met tha bastard and i hate tha bitch
but deep down in side, i know i love her
i try to show her, but shes to hesitant
i try again, and her actions are repetitive
but i keep on thinking, i gotta let her live
gotta lead to a different alternative
or get barred or shot
gotta beable to think on tha spot
get stopped or popped
my future is head my past is not
either wayi got, this maybe the only opportunity i got

Chorus: repeat 2x

thats my version og lose ur self
tha first half of verse 1 stayed tha same becuz i felt it shud stay, i felt it had a lot of meaning and then all tha other srtuff besidedss tha chorus imad, suiting my self and my life.

feed back apprciated

holla

pz

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed..

This was alright...structure could be a bit better, try keeping lines around the same length.....flow in this was alright, stayed on point through out it as i read through it....but overall this was ok...keep at it.

u ever look at eminem printed version of this his bars are almost tha same as mine, they arent even thats how he goes wit tha beat, and wut dou mean 3 links for 3 of wut?

links of replies u've done to other open mics,
i fort this was good. if its about u then a good biographic piece.
keep at it and do wat u gotta do.

hit my rhyme
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98014

cheers

there Masta C 3 names ok

drops-check it
drops-bars
da chronic G-wuts gonna happen

now i wud like sum feed back plz holla

pz

Man ya verse had no flow and no intrestin parts
~!~

u know shit about rap man go fuck ur self.

I'm still waitin to find somethin he didn't reply the same thing to, calm down Masta C, yo this piece was horrible, wasnt worth my readin, i think i may have gotten stupider, next time be orginal, or atleast make up a name, u suhd be hit wiht biting

__________________

Soft Focus
Suicide Inc.
RhymeVantage
Def.Ill
Ghost-Writers

Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..

naw i felt like redoin a song aight mofo, fuck u shud b hit wit biting, fo biting tha mods dicks bitch

oh and thats y its says remix hello u fuckin stupid o sum shit

Uppin for sum comments.

pz

dont matter, if em didnt give u his own permission to do a remix its biting

hoe.

__________________

Soft Focus
Suicide Inc.
RhymeVantage
Def.Ill
Ghost-Writers

Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..

kill yourself, you ruined a good song

p.s. close this