Preponderate of suicide is hot as it is cold but blocked like masonry,
Conesentrate motions at blade point consider left over basically,
Reiterate feelings run high the trail of thought quicker than blaze,
Matsatbate "wrong and Write" witnesses stand, stair eyes glazed,

^^^ Aiyo...this is so contrived it's not even funny..this is one of the easiest topics to write to. And, you sound like a robot. are you human? The vocab was there. BUt, where was the emotion?



suicidal thoughts,mercilas and manic,no way out from this surpression
judgements of misconceieved ill conceptions to form depression
state of mind dessolate,dark with no way out at the end
a world of hatred,heart,body and mind on suspend
envy,greed,rage and desire..inspire to close-out this life

^^^^ this is more like it...i mean, here you have emotion. Sure, it lacks the "big words"--2 cent words--of Hexen's piece. But, you piece actually connects with the reader on an emotional level more.


RHyme Tie
Vocab Hex
FLow Tie
Imagery Tstorm
Subject T Storm

Vote: T Storm

ok..w/e man....ur opinon..i respect it..uppin

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upin.............................................. .................................................. ......

upin 4 honest votes............................................. ..................................

fuck..upp

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damm slept on like W OAH!! upp

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upp

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upp

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both of these topical verses were pretty good...hexen your vocabulary was as good as it could have been but i felt like you sliupped of the subject once or twice...you had a good structure and flow to the whole piece and it clearly showed rawness and deep emotion...alot of thought was put into your verse and made it a good topical verse...

t-storm i honestly thought you wouldnt do any good at topicals but your verse changed my mind...your vocabulary was good too not near hexen's but still decent...you stayed on topic throughout the whole verse and it made more of an impact on the storyline...your multies and metaphors were very good too and the flow was consistent...and your imagery was really good and well thought out also

flow:Hexen
vocabulary:Hexen
imagery:T-storm
followed the topic more: T-storm
which i enjoyed more:T-storm
wordplay:Hexen
Multies:T-storm
Overall: T-storm

i think his verse was felt much mroe because of the imagery he put you right into the story and u could picture almost all of what he was saying...hexen you described suicide and the pain which was a good way to go but the imagery lacks in the way you approached this topical...good verses from both

vote: T-storm


~!1!~

would appreciate feedback and honest votes on the battles in my sig thx

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion